Onisan
by Ashna
Summary: (FINISHED!!)Daydreams lead to taking action as Takeru allows his obsession to rule his life and take over Yamato's. (WARNING!!! YAOI, INCEST, LEMON) Will contain, Takesuke, Takemato and hints of Koumato and Taishiro.
1. Frustrations

WARNING!!!!!This fic contains INCEST, YAOI INCEST if you do not want to read about that then I suggest you turn back now. I will accept flames because well this is the kinda thing that deserves flames ya know?  
Let me start out by saying I don't know WHAT has possessed me to write a Taketo. It's sick, it's twisted but it does supply a wonderful amount of angst. Oh how I love angst. Also I can see this happening with those two. Don't ask me why but I do. I'm writing two to see what works better Takeru or Yamato as the perv. Sigh...why my mind wants to do this is beyond me. There's also a bit of Daikeru. Anyhoo here comes the fic and R&R.

I don't own them. I'm sure their thankful I don't.

  
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Takeru stared out the window his bright blue eyes unseeing as he watched the tree's lining the road sway in a light summer breeze. It was strange how calm everything was. Each apartment building standing quiet a voice calling out from a terrace every so often. The light shinning brightly on the asphalt below as a plane cut across the horizon leaving behind a white tear in the blue fabric of the sky. 

He pulled away from the lazy scene before him of Japan's suburbia his heart much darker then the summer day. Brushing fingers through his golden blonde hair Takeru walked into the kitchen table. His brother was there today helping his Mom with dinner. This was their only time to bond as parent and offspring. Anything else they did just created tension but in the kitchen they got along fine.

"So when's dinner going to be ready? I'm starving." Takeru complained resting his head on his forearms.

Yamato half turned giving his little brother a half smile. He'd grown a lot since their first days in the digiworld. He'd grown taller and more lanky then skinny. His hair the same color as Takeru's if maybe a shade lighter had been grown out into a longer more sophisticated do. He always wore black, brown or navy blue now and the colors showed off his delicate features and ice blue eyes. Icy in color maybe but as he smiled at Takeru they were warm and loving.

"In twenty minutes you glutton. I can believe your so hungry all ready. Just three hours ago you were complaining about eating to much at the fair." Yamato said before turing back to the stir fry he was preparing.

"That was different! I just had too much cotton candy. I did eat the rest of Daisuke's.

"It's your own fault. So I guess you've recovered then? Well you'll just have to wait." Yamato said without turning around.

Takeru shrugged his shoulders and got up leaving them and flopping down in front of the T.V. Turning it own to watch something while waiting. Instead his thoughts drifted to something he knew he shouldn't think about. It was something horrible he knew that but that didn't stop him. He would start off by thinking about how wonderful Yamato was. He'd been a great older brother all of Takeru's life. Even though they'd been seperated they'd remained close all these years. The digiworld had only strengthened the bond all ready there. He'd always tried to protect Takeru even if Takeru pushed him away.

*Which I did a lot afterwards. I wanted to grow up and I didn't want to be sheltered.*

But now Takeru apreciated how much his brother had done for him all these years. Without Yamato, Takeru was sure he'd have gotten into a lot more trouble then he had.

*But no one really understands that. Sora doesn't Yamato's only a second ringer up for her. She'd much rather be with Taichi I'm sure. The other's never did get close to him at all.*

This is when his thoughts turned towards dangerous path. He was the only one who really understood Yamato. He was the keeper of friendships little bro after all. They were closer than even Taichi and Hikari. Of course they were close. After the parents divorce they'd stayed together even though they practically lived across the city from one another.

Takeru sighed resting his head on a hand flipping through the channels not really caring if he found anything. Yamato had always been lonelier than Takeru. He could still remember what it had been like all four of them together. But Takeru didn't care about that he was happy as long as he was around his big brother. Yamato with his long blonde hair, ice blue eyes and instinctive wolf like grace that made every fangirl swoon in his presence. Takeru hated them. The way they hung off Yamato as if he was some prise to be won. Didn't they see that he didn't care for any of them? He didn't need them, he had Takeru.

*And I will never, ever treat him like prise. He doesn't need them or that whinny bitch Sora. Gods she makes me sick with her oh so quiet ways and perfect attitude. I bet she hasn't done one bad or outragus thing in her life. They all make me sick.*

He was jealous. He knew it and after thinking this far didn't care. He was the only one suposed to have Yamato. They were brothers their ties went deeper than simple admiration and hero worship. He loved Yamato with all his heart.

*And we will be together forever.*

Takeru's line of thought was cut in two as his Mom called from the kitchen that dinner was ready. He sighed and slid off the couch turning off the T.V. As he got up tossing the controler on a chair.

  
Takeru collapsed panting onto the tanned body beneath him. He rolled over and rested his head against their shoulder trying to catch his breath. The chest heaed as they too filled their lungs with air. A hand rose and brushed sweat soaked hair out of his eyes and Takeru looked up into a pair of dark brown eyes.

"Thank you again Daisuke." Takeru murrmered straining to place a soft kiss upon the other boys lips.

"Hey we did it once might was well go in for another try. Again and again and again and ya wanna do that again?" Daisuke said absolutely serious.

The blonde bishounen just rolled his eyes and sat up streatching. He chuckled at the disapointed look on Daisuke's open face as he moved over to sit on the edge of the bed. Takeru looked around the floor for his own clothes trying to distinguish them from the hastily scattered clothing that was all around the room. Two hands reached around his waist as he felt the bed shift and Daisuke leaned into his back. The brunette kissed his neck, sucking and licking trying to lure Takeru back to what they had been doing.

"Daisuke...I just don't want to anymore okay?" He said quietly and Daisuke sighed but pulled back and began looking for his own clothes.

This had been going on for some time now though no one knew. No one was suposed to know about their little trysts together. There was nothing between them but sex. Sure they were friends but no very good friends. Daisuke was still jealous of Takeru's close relationship with Hikari and Takeru found him to be incredably anoying outside of the bed room.

*He's quite another story inside. One doesn't need to open their mouths to have fun. Well at least not much and not for talking*

A smiled played at the corners of Takeru's mouth as he pulled his pants over his hips fasening them. Daisuke had quite a bit of stanama and was always willing to go for a tumble. Maybe it was because he had about five times the hormones of most people. Takeru was grateful to him. He knew Takeru didn't expect more then the physical and never asked for more. Frankly the blue eyed digidestined only sought him out when the image of another burned itself into Takeru's mind. Someone he'd much rather be leaning over making them shout in pleasure while he...

"I'm going now." Daisuke said apearing fully dressed in font of Takeru who'd paused while buttoning up his shirt.

He leaned forward pressing hip lips to Takeru's running his tongue across the edges of his lips before pressing inward to explore his mouth fully. Daisuke always said goodbye this way. He said it was to make sure Takeru would call him again. Takeru believed him. He drew back and fixed his goggles on his head before skipping out the door whistling.

"That guy has way to much energy." Takeru muttered buttoning up the rest of this shirt.

He walked into the living room of his house and checked the time. It was another day when Yamato would be visiting for supper. Their mother unfortunetly had been called away for an asignment by her work and wouldn't be back till late.That's why Takeru had call Daisuke. The thought of being here alone with Yamato for any length of time bothered him now. It hadn't before but he'd hit puberty along with all the rest of the kids and found he liked Yamto more than anything. He wanted to be with his brother more than anything now. To touch him and kiss him and make Yamato shout his name.

*But I mustn't I can't. We're brothers it's wrong. It's sick, I'm sick. Twisted. Everyone thinks I'm so normal Mr. Perfect and inocent.*

_**I don't care  
**_  
The thought whispered unbidden across his mind. He didn't care because he loved his brother right? What could be wrong about loving you older brother. Your perfect older brother with the sexy smile, slim body of a greek god and....  
_**  
**_Takeru jumped five feet into the air as the door slammed open. He whirled around to see Yamato pushing the dor open with his foot while trying to walk through holding hia guitar case and amp and his over night bag.

"Hey little bro could ya help me? I have a concert tonight and it's too far to carry all this stuff back to Dad's then come back here. So I just brought everything now. Dad's gonna pick me up in the morning and drop me off at school." He grumbled as Takeru rushed forward holding the door open and taking Yamato's bag from him.

He piled everything in the corner with a sigh. He stood up then winced as a vertabre cracked. He streached his arms over his head cracking several more while Takeru tried not to stare at the sight of his brother in such an erotic position. He blinked as Yamato asked him a question. He asked againas Takeru didn't answer but just blinked stupidly.

"Hey Takeru wake up buddy. Where's Mom?" Takeru shook his head trying to clear it.

"Oh uh she got called away to work and wont be back till late. It's just us." He managed to get out controling his hormones enough to speak.

*Ye gods I'm worse then Daisuke. No wait I can control he doesn't even attempt.*

Yamato smiled and walked to phone rumaging in his pockets only to bring out a wallet. He turned back to Takeru and lifted an eye brow.

"How does one medium peppironi and one medium deluxe veggie sound?" He asked picking up the phone.

"Pepperoni's good. Veggie's bad." Takeru answered smiling as he knew what Yamato's responce would be.

"One pepperoni and one veggie it is."

He ordered the pizzas while Takeu flopped bonelessly onto the couch and picked up the remote control looking for something to watch. He finally settled for a anime called Trigun he'd been following and settled back to watch. Soon Yamato sat down beside him and handed hm a candy bar he'd produced from his bag.

They laughed over Vash's antics and Takeru was really starting to get curious about this Rem chick when the pizza came. Yamato got up as slinky as a cat and walked over to the door Takeru watching him every step with smouldering eyes. He'd noticed his older brothers presence throughout the intire show. How he laughed silently one side of his mouth lifting. How their feet touched on the couch. Yamato not careing takeru barely able to think.

Yamato paid the devilery boy and brought the pizza to the table, Takeru all ready there starving. They dug in hungrly not talking until they'd both eaten two peices each. Yamato paused and glanced at the clock. He turned back and cocked his head at his brother.

"I have a concert at seven. Do you wanna come or do you want to stay here?" He asked.

"Yeah sure why not? I don't have anything else to do. Besides someone has to help you with that amp." Takeru said calmly while jumping for joy internally.

Of course he wanted to go to Yamato's concert. He always looked incredably sexy on stage wearing his dark clothes he'd look pale but aluring beneath the harsh stage lights. His hair would be damp with sweat, beads of presperation running down his face. Eyes closed blocking out everything but the music. Takeru was getting uncomfortable jus thinking about it.

"All right then. Boys night out on the town then." Yamato said witha smile and Takeru smiled brightly back.

_****_


	2. Possesive

All right I finally figured out where I'm gonna go with this fic. I figured out why I was having troubles and told myself to get over it. One, I never like seeing Yamato as the uke in any fic. I think he's too string for that. Two, it's hard to write Takeru as being a little deranged. All hail Children of the Corn three! Eli was such a little deranged, perverted little fuck as my friend said repeatedly but he was kinda well seemingly inocent. Takeru! My mind cheered and I suddenly had my fic idea! So here it is the second part of my twisted tale. A perfect canandate for sick sad world.

I don't own digimon. But what I could do if I did!

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Takeru watched Yamato from the so far empty seats as the band did their warm up. He was obviously the most dedicated of the whole group. Telling them to shut up and practice when the others started chatting aimlessly. He was obviously keeping his temper in check. But once the warm up got into full swing he calmed down.

*Musics always had that effect on him.*

He thought watching as Yamato sang through a songs chorus briefly. There was an underlying current of energy that hung about Yamato during everyone of his concerts. It drew people to him and made them hang onto every word he sang. Takeru just knew he'd make it big eventualy. No one could resist his brother's singing. As the couple hundred screaming fangirls waiting impatently outside demonstrated.

The lone figure in the seats blinked as the band started moving back stage and the lights on stage went off. Yamato waved to him to come over and he stood up weaving his way back stage.

Once there he sat on a speaker near the stage entrance and watched the people stream in. He hated them all in a way. They all wanted a piece of his brother. He wouldn't let them of course. Not that they ever stood a chance. One fan girl had learned that early on. She'd been persistant following Yamato and driving him insane. Him and all his friends too. Takeru had met Jun one day while waiting for Daisuke outside the Motomiya apartment.

~~~~~~~~~~~Flash back~~~~~~~

"Hey Takeru!" A high pitched voice sounded from down the hallway. 

"Is Matty-kun here?" Jun asked hope filling her vacant eyes.

Takeru sneered inwardly at her false tone and vapid expression. He'd never liked the hyper active type much and it drove him insane when it was a girl. Though what could you expect from Daisuke's sister.

"No." he answered looking away hoping she wouldn't try and talk to him.

"Why are you here then. It can't be for Daisuke you two hate each other." She smiled while he groaned inwardly.

*No such luck. Damn the anoying bitch.*

"We have to work together on a school project." He said flatly hoping she wouldn't question the lie.

Neither of them wanted their little trysts to be discovered. They both had reputations to up hold after all. He was the basketball teams star while Daisuke was the soccer team captain.   
  
Jun didn't get the silent message he was sending her. She was even stupider than Daisuke if that's possible. She kept talking about Yamato using the nickname she'd used before. Takeru felt himself growing angry at the little twit. She was talking like Yamato was her's! The nerve of it all struck a cord in him. Especially since Yamato was so obviously telling her off at every opertunity. He opened his mouth just to tell her to go away.

"Fuck off would ya?" He said in annoyed tone of voice.

He hadn't meant to swear because he never did. It just wasn't something Takaishi Takeru did. Of course whne it came to his brother takeru often surprised himself. Jun was doubly surprised. She blinked stupidly and shook her head as if checking to make sure she was hearing right.

"Excuse me?" She asked.

"I told you to go fuck off. Don't you get it numbskull. None of us like you especially my brother. Yamato hates you everyone hates you." he snarled starting to get really sick of her now.

She stood there shocked then frowned looking angry. Her face clearly showed her indignation of being told off by a 'kid'.

"Now look here Takeru. I don't know where you get off talking to me like that but.." She paused sputtering then lapsing into silence as Takeru cut her off violently.

"No. You listen to me bitch." He said pushing off the wall he'd been leaning against.

"I can talk how ever the hell I want. I'm talking to you that way because I don't want you around My brother." He's growled giving her a glare full of loathing.

"I'm sick of seeing you hanging off him like some kind of parasite. So as I said before fuck off Jun before I kick your stupid giggling face across the aspault."

She'd backed up a step completely taken off gaurd by the venemence in his voice. She stared at him eyes wide in silence for several moments before Daisuke came hopping through the door.

"Hey Takeru what's up...oh Jun. Your back. I'm leaving what great timing. Come on lets go." He said oblivious to his sisters discomfort or Takeru's violent mood. 

Jun had fled emediatly inside slamming the door behnd her. Daisuke had grabbed Takeru's arm and dragged him off.

~~~~~~~~~~~End of flash back

Jun had never been seen around Yamato again though sometimes the group would see her. She would just turn tail and walk in the oposite direction. Though not without giving Takeru a frightened and uneasy look.

*I think I rather frightened her. I guess the Ishida temper does run in the family.*

She never came to concerts anymore either as far as they could tell. Still many others came. Takeru wantd to be able to tell them all off but that would be impossible. That and Yamato would lose most of his fan base.

*I'll never let any of them have him. He's my brother. He's mine.*

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Okay a little short I admit. But there's still lots more to go. Heheheh I have this all planned out now! Well sept the end. I might ask you guys for help there. Hey why not now! Here's the choices I'm toying with.

1. Takeru gets his ass kicked. Most likely by Taichi. Why? Pick it and find out.  
2. Takeru ends up dying. A very angst riddled ending.  
3. Things take a interesting twist and the fic gets a tad bit longer. This one would take the most work and there for is less explained.  
4. Is open to suggestions. My mind has drawn a blank it's up to you. I'll give ya credit totally if I use your idea. 


	3. The Concert

People actually like this fic. Ah go figure. Well I have a few votes for one and three and two suggestions for the ending. So far I'm still undecided. Vote people or I wont write it! Though I am leaning towards three but I need to work on Hope in despair and A break in character. And maybe start a few others too. I like writing too much. This time I will at least spell check before posting! I promise. But don't expect too much. I am desperately in need of a beta reader for all my fics but My beta reader hasn't even finished editing Hope in despair part one yet! Oh well she'll finish eventually. Wont you Miyama? Well here's part three of my twisted little fic.

I don't own digimon. It's a good thing I don't if this fic says anything about my mind.....

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Takeru jumped as a hand touched his shoulder lightly. He twisted around to see Yamato in his concert gear. At first he had refused to wear something as ridiculous as this, but after their concerts hit the over a hundred mark and a teen magazine had come to interview them, he had given in. Takeru frankly thought he looked terribly inviting in tight leather pants and a lose fitting black shirt shot through with silver threads. He never buttoned it completely either. The top was opened slightly to reveal glimpses of his pale skin.

(A/N Yes I give you all permission to drool. ;) *Hands out drool buckets*)

"Hey the shows gonna start soon. You might want to wear these. It can be really loud up here." Yamato said handing his brother a package of ear plugs. 

Takeru smiled and took the package remembering how long his ears had rung after the last concert he'd attended. Yamato walked closer to the stage and glanced out at the growing crowd. People were streaming in and the place was packed all ready. The lead singer of the Teenage Wolves smiled as he watched the crowd. Takeru watched his profile in a half daze really taking in his appearance in those tight leather pants. The sleekly muscled legs outlined perfectly, every movement and tensing caught by the dull black material. His shirt was slit partially open and hung around him like a wisp of silvery smoke.

"It's really something. All these people I mean. I never thought we'd become this big before. Never." Yamato said quietly not turning his head to look at Takeru.

He blinked and looked up at his brother smiling. He didn't really have much to say. Yamato always acted like this before a concert. He took his duties seriously as a band member and worked hard but he never could believe they'd become so popular.

"I knew you would. I always did from the moment you started the band." he said, staring adoringly at his brother's perfect features.

Yamato turned his head slightly and smiled at Takeru. His ice blue eyes were, for once, warm and inviting. An expression used only for the people he was close to.

"Yeah. You always did. Thank God I listened to you instead of Taichi. He thought I'd fail totally." he said turning back towards the crowd.

Takeru stood up and went to stand behind and a little beside his brother. He looked out across the mindless fans as they trickled in trying not to sneer at them. It wouldn't do for Yamato to see him act that way. He yawned instead and leaned his head against Yamato's arm like he did when he was small. He closed his eyes savouring the feeling of being this close to his brother.

"Tired all ready? You're not gonna last through the concert." Yamato said turning slightly giving Takeru a quick hug across the shoulders.

He just shrugged and leaned back not wanting to be too obvious. Yamato cocked his head to the side and gave him a small smile.

"There's a bed in my change room if you want to take a nap during the concert. No one will bug you there." he said, gently giving Takeru a friendly punch in the arm.

Takeru shook his head smiling.

"Naw, I'll be all right. Once the noise starts up no could sleep anyways."   
  
"Noise? Don't you mean music?" Yamato said looking offended.

"Music? What music? You mean you're actually trying to sound good?" Takeru laughed as his brother scowled at him, trying not to grin.

"Brat. After I fed you and everything. You should treat your older brother with more respect." he said, standing up straighter and looking down his nose at Takeru.

"But I always treat you with respect Yamato-sama. I would never dream of treating you with anything else less then abject adoration."

"Whatever ya little imp. Look I gotta go now. The concerts starting in five. Enjoy the show brat child." Yamato said glancing at his watch and starting to walk away.  
  
Takeru smiled slightly. Yamato took his comment for sarcasm but Takeru had meant every word. He watched his brother walk over to his band buddies his eyes half hooded, a little half smile on his face.

"I always enjoy watching you Yama-kun." He whispered at the retreating figure.

~~~~~~~~

The music pounded through the concert hall and every eye was locked on the figure on stage. He looked more intense, more alluring on stage then at any other moment in his life. Takeru's eyes were as glued to Yamato as any other star struck fan. Of course he would never compare himself to any of those sobbing, screeching dimwits in the audience.

*He's so beautiful on stage. He never looks better anywhere else.*

Yamato's eyes were closed as he sang the current song. His guitar was strapped around his shoulders, his long fingers sliding across the stings. Takeru's throat closed as he opened his eyes, the last notes of the song hanging delicately on the air. The sound faded and he smiled at the crowd. They in turn burst into new lengths of screaming and applause. He smiled brighter and started into the section in any concert when the singers introduce the band. He walked around stage chatting with each member and talking to the audience. He was completely at ease.

Takeru on the other hand stood side stage and glared at the fans. They didn't deserve such a warm smile from his brother. He'd never seen one of Yamato's large concerts before and this new addition to the show angered him. With larger crowds Yamato was supposed to become more distant from them not closer. He clenched a bit of his jacket in his hand grinding his teeth. He was starting to think of going back to Yamato's dressing room like he'd suggested when Yamato turned towards him. He quickly plastered a smile on his face before his perfect older brother could see the jealousy and anger on his face.

"One other person to introduce everyone. Today, somebody very important to me decided to tag along as always. No, no, don't worry. He's not a girlfriend. I'm still single.." Yamato laughed walking towards Takeru an evil smile on his face.

Takeru started to panic. He knew Yamato was going to drag him out on stage now. He backed up trying to think of a way out of this situation. Yamato grinned and reached over grabbing Takeru's arm and pulling him on stage.

"Oh come on out. They're not gonna kill you.Come on..." Yamato said as Takeru tried desperately to move away from the stage.

"Yamato...." Takeru whined, but Yamato had no mercy.

He was dragged into the middle of the stage and Yamato put a arm around Takeru's shoulders still grinning. Takeru blinked in the bright lights that were shinning directly into his eyes now. They were very warm too and the stage felt like a summers day at noon. He now understood why all bands get sweaty even if their sitting down.

*How does Yamato stand it up here for two hours?*

"And this ladies and gentlemen is my little baby bro Takeru." Yamato said, brightly turning to the audience, which was just a black void beyond the first five rows.

"Wave to the people Takeru." he said when Takeru just stood there trying not to blush under the scrutiny of all the people.

"He's just a little shy so you'll have to excuse him." Yamato laughed then released him and gave him a little push towards back stage.

"Oh fine. Go back into the safety of back stage. We have to start the show anyway big baby." he said still laughing as Takeru stumbled and walked thankfully off the stage. 

Laughed even more as Takeru turned and stuck his tongue out at him. The audience thought it was hilarious, but soon quieted down as the band started up again. Takeru walked back to the change room listening as Yamato's smooth silky voice rose once again in song.

*I should have known he'd pull a trick like that.*

Takeru thought blushing a bit at the memory. He hated being in front of crowds and Yamato knew that. He found the change room and went inside immediately. He was feeling tired now and collapsed on the bed not bothering to turn off the light which had been on when he entered. He fell asleep quickly the sounds from the stage faded to a loud vibration that shook the walls slightly but he could still hear his brothers voice above the noise.

~~~~

A hand gently shook his shoulder and Takeru opened blurry eyes to see a sweaty and tired Yamato sitting on the bed beside him. He smiled and sat up rubbing his eyes.

"Is the concert over?" he asked looking up again.

"No it's only intermission. I still have the better part of an hour to go."He said tiredly.

He looked exhausted. And as if to eco that thought he yawned an ear splitting yawn. Then looked sheepish as Takeru smiled.

"Hey these longer concerts are exhausting. I wish we didn't have to do them but our manager said it's the only way to keep going. It's what the fans want after all." He said standing up to go to the counter.

He turned on the sinks water and dunked his head under the tap. Takeru watched him angrily once again at his brother's fans.

*They're all ways taking so much out of him! Keeping him from going places and draining his energy with these stupid concerts.*

The entire situation made him want to strangle each and everyone of their necks or go and hug Yamato telling him he didn't have to do this to himself for them. That he cared much more then they ever would or ever had.

The blonde in black leather stood up shaking the excess water out of his hair. The water dripped onto his shirt staining the shoulders an even darker black the silver stands shinning brighter. He turned to the little mini fridge in the corner and got two bottles out.Yamato smiled and handed Takeru a bottle of juice. He took it as Yamato opened his own and chugged it all down on one breath.

"Thirsty work ya know?" he said smiling.

Takeru nodded and watched as he drank another one. He was still debating on how to distance his brother from the audience. He hadn't forgotten Yamato's intimate smile in his embarrassment over being dragged on stage. An idea occurred to him but it was too much, too risky. He didn't want Yamato to hate him.

Yamato sighed and Takeru watched him walk over to the wall leaning against it. He let his head fall back and closed his eyes. His skin still glistened with sweat from the performance. Takeru let his smoldering eyes rake over Yamato's body. The lean legs, slender waist, muscled torso revealed by the still half open shirt, aristocratic features. He found himself standing up. He could still remember how wonderful Yamato had looked on stage and the warmth of his arm across Takeru's shoulders. He let go of his own self control for five minutes as he approached his brother.Then he did it.

He stepped forward and reached up brushing fingers against the exposed flesh of Yamato neck. Yamato 's head came down his eyes snapping open as he stared at his brother.

"Takeru what are.."

Takeru cut him off by leaning forward placing one leg between Yamato's pinning him to the wall. He placed his hand on his brother's exposed chest the other sliding behind his neck. He brought Yamato's head down and kissed him full on the lips. He ran his tongue across Yamato's lips forcing them open. He was shaking as Takeru plunged his tongue deep into his mouth, his hand running across his chest caressing him gently.

A loud bang on the door sent Takeru quickly to the other side of the room leaving Yamato leaning against the wall staring at his brother in shock.

" Yamato we're back on in one minute." A voice said from beyond the door.

He didn't answer, but merely stared at Takeru chest heaving. The door opened and the drummer stuck his head to look at Yamato in confusion.

"Hey didn't you hear me? We're on man." he said giving him a strange look.

Yamato blinked and stood up straight still shaking slightly. He didn't say anything just stood up and left his eyes confused. Takeru watched him go but not looking him in the eyes. The door shut and he broke out into a huge grin. The same thought echoed repeatedly through his head.

*I kissed Yamato. I did. I really did. I kissed Yamato.*

Another thought stopped him cold and he stared at the door for a few moments. He stood up and walked out the door intending to watch the rest of the concert. He couldn't help but grin at this new thought either as he stood at the side of the stage once more.

*Now he'll think only about me.*

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Did I or did I not say I was going to make this fucked up? If not I apologize for not saying it sooner. Takeru is gonna be truly twisted in this fic. I am having fun writing this as screwed as it seems. Well the next part should be up soon cuz I know where I'm going with it. After that things get fuzzy. Please vote for an ending cuz I can't decide! Here's the choices I'm toying with.

1. Takeru gets his ass kicked. Most likely by Taichi. Why? Pick it and find out.  
2. Takeru ends up dying. A very angst riddled ending. Not as stupid as it sounds.  
3. Things take a interesting twist and the fic gets a tad bit longer. This one would take the most work and there for is less explained.  
4. Is open to suggestions. My mind has drawn a blank it's up to you. I'll give ya credit totally if I use your idea. 

Vote people vote! Take part in democracy! Bleh I know voting is evil but not for this! Okay this is evil too but hey that's the point! 


	4. Trying to forget

Okies the fourth chapter is here. This one is sooooo much easier to write then Hope in Despair! Which is easier then my untitled Jyoumato. Writer's block on both of them. Grrrrrrr. I WILL get to Hope in Despair by the end of the week but...I really need to talk to Miyama and Kathrine. Mostly Kathrine she's a great help for my fics. Especially with Takeru. Oh Miyama cuz you asked so very nicely. O_o...I'll be using ending number three. Now I know more votes have gone to number one BUT I might mix the two a wittle. Just a whittle. Just so people know Takeru is oh about 14 and Yamato 17. I forgot to mention that before..oppsies. And Miyama chapter Five is gonna be written just for you. Aka lots of written eye candy of your Kitten to drool over.

Obsessed Takeru: Keep that stupid fangirl away from my Yamato!  
Ashna: Don't think I can Take-chan. You don't know her!  
Miyama: He's my Kitten, mine!  
Takeru:..why you little..  
Miyama: *Glares* If you wern't Kitten's little brother I'd..  
Ashna: Okay you two calm down! I need to get on with this fic!  
Takeru: *Pouts*  
Miyama: *Pouts*  
Ashna: Gods what have I gotten myself into...  
Miyama: The laughing MOUNTAIN Gods.  
Takeru: What laughing mountain gods?  
Ashna: No not this again!  
Miyama:*Grins* In this fic He WILL want to know! Haha now I can tell him Kathrine and you can't stop me! *Whispers to Takeru*  
Takeru: *Grins*  
Ashna: Oh no...now their getting along. I think this is worse...  
Miyama: *Grins at Takeru* Brilliant ne? Anyways I'll let you have Yamato on one condition.  
Takeru:..let?  
Miyama: Shut up. Yes let...send me some pictures okay?*Winks*  
Takeru: O_o.....uh...sure?  
Ashna: *To herself* I hope Kathrine never reads this...

Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon. But if I did everyone could see Yamato in tight black leather pants.

Takeru: *Drools*  
Miyama:*Drools*  
Ashna: kami-sama..oh yeah this chapter is all Kitten's POV. Cute nic for him ne? Miyama's creation of course. I steal heehee!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yamato's mind whirled around in confusion as he followed his fellow band member out to the stage. He couldn't believe what had just happened... happened! His sweet, innocent little bro had... His mind shuddered away from the memory. This was his own brother for Gods sake.

Miyama: The laughing MOUNTAIN Gods!  
Ashna: *Throws shoe* Get out of here! Even when your not here I hear your stupid jokes!

How could he even comprehend something so horrifying. His own brother. His little brother. Takeru...Take-chan... Yamato shook his head as he walked on stage. He had to finish the rest of the concert, he had to focus. Couldn't let anyone see how frazzled he was. 

Music had always been a release of emotion for him and now was no different then before. He leaned towards the mike and introduced the next song. The roar of the crowd and the thundering sound of the first chords began to settle his shaken soul. He put everything of himself into the song forgetting for those few minutes what had happened.

The notes faded into the sounds of applause from the audience. He smiled and opened his eyes surprised to find he'd closed them once again. That always happened when he put himself, his soul into the music. He smiled at the audience getting shrieks from the girls and even a few guys. 

He glanced back towards the other band members to see what they wanted to play. Most of their show was improve. Picking songs on the spur of the moment or just before the concert. The drummer picked a song that showed off his playing making the others roll their eyes. He always picked that song. Yamato turned back to the audience and almost missed his guitar cue.

His eyes had drifted over the side stage and had spotted Takeru watching from backstage. The look in his eyes had been disturbing to say the least. He was watching Yamato's every move. Of course he'd always done that and attention was supposed to be focused on him but.. For ten seconds he'd caught Yamato's eye and grinned. Not the sweet innocent smile or his casual friendly grin. No a sly, cheeky grin that creeped the hell out of Yamato. 

The rest of the concert was horrible. That grin had reminded Yamato of what happened. Those bright blue eyes staring at him constantly wouldn't let him forget. Yamato forgot how to lose himself in the music, forgot the fans, almost forgot to sing a time or two. Forgot everything except what his little brother had done.  
He couldn't think straight. This was beginning to be one of those times he was glad the band practiced until the songs where branded into their minds. If not he would have forgotten the lyrics a few times all ready. Hell he wouldn't have been able to sing at all.

It just got worse too. During a break he glanced again to the side stage and felt as if he was going to pass out. The naughty, I know what your thinking about, grin had been replaced by abject adoration. Takeru had always looked up to him, so he was used to that but now, now he could see t-the lust behind it.

He looked away from those bright eyes clouded over with feelings Yamato didn't want to see. Looking out at the audience didn't help matters any either. The masses for fans no longer made him feel better. He'd lost the rapore, the link between them and him. Now all he saw was their lust filled eyes, so blind and needing. 

*Just like his..* 

He shuddered away again from his thoughts. Closing his eyes he tried to shut him and them out. All he tried to think of was when this concert would be over.

~~~~~~~~~~~Back stage

If trying to keep it together on stage had been bad, trying to pack up with him right there was worse. Takeru sat on a speaker swinging his legs like he was still little. It was creepy. Yamato packed up his base wrapping up cords and stuff but didn't say anything.

The worst thing was that this was a normal type of scene for them. He wouldn't talk much after a concert and Takeru would just tag along. Yamato had never figured out why he'd come to concerts and band practices. The Teenage Wolves didn't even play the type of music Takeru liked.

*Guess you know why now.*

Yamato blinked shocked at his own thought. This wasn't funny, this was weird, strange and entirely too confusing. He was starting to think he'd rather take his chances with Jun then take the train ride back with his own brother.Of course Jun was a crazed fangirl with no life and Takeru was now a crazed fanboy who just happened to be his brother. Maybe one wasn't much better then the other.

Takeru jumped off the speaker and walked towards the vending machine leaving Yamato alone for a few precious seconds. The pressure was becoming too much. He felt like he should say something, anything but what do you say to your own brother about..what happened.

*Gee Takeru I guess you didn't know this but coming on to your own brother isn't a good thing. I'd appreciate it if you didn't try and kiss me again. Incest isn't good for my image ya know? Gods....what am i going to do?*

Yamato stopped what he was doing and stared at the guitar case in front of him. Running a hand through his hair to keep it out of his eyes he decided to forget about it for now. Just to clean up and get going. Their Mom was most likely home by now anyways and would start to get worried no doubt if they were even a minute later then the note they'd left behind had said.

He picked up the case and stood up double checking everything mentally to make sure he hadn't forgotten anything. Positive he hadn't forgotten a thing he turned around to tell his brother to hurry up. He paused before he said anything, mouth hanging open on the words. Takeru was standing slightly behind him a can of coke in his hand. The same expression he'd had during the concert on his face. To be exact the same expression as when he'd kissed him.

Unnerved Yamato turned away grabbing his amp and gesturing for Takeru to take the guitar it being the lighter of the two.

"Come on we should get going." he muttered quietly.

Takeru nodded and smiled. The same smile he always had. The friendly, nice smile that helped him to make friends so easily.  
He picked up the guitar oblivious to the wary expression on Yamato's face and followed him out.

~~~~~~~~~

The ride home was carried out in complete silence. Takeru sat on the amp beside Yamato. Yamato leaned against the subways door looking out the window as the city passed by. He tried not to notice the way Takeru would glance over at him. 

*This is completely insane. Why should I have to be..afraid of my own brother. My Little brother. I wish this had never happened. I wish I didn't know.*

The worst was that he didn't Know if he wished he'd never found out about this. Now that he knew it was possibly worse to think about things that might have been more then they seemed. It was impossible to comprehend and the normally short ride back lasted forever.

When they got home their Mom was all ready there. She'd taken some left over from lunch and was eating them at the table. Yamato smiled at her and put his stuff down just inside the door. He joined her at the table and Takeru did the same sitting beside him.

"Hey Mom." Yamato smiled.

"Hey there Hun." She smiled back.

"So boys how was the concert?" She asked.

"Great as usual. Except when Yamato thought it would be funny to drag me on stage." Takeru laughed innocently.

Their Mom laughed giving Yamato a disproving glare.

"Now Yamato you know your brother doesn't like being in front of crowds." She admonished.

(A/N Yeah! I spelled admonished right the first time I tried. Yeah! Oh joy, oh rapture, oh happy day.)

He laughed and shrugged.

"How did you do today? Had fun I hope. Get mauled by any fangirls today?" She asked.

He winced mentally.

*If you count my own bother...*

"Heh naw it was a great concert. Great crowd." He said vaguely and quickly changed the subject.

He started asking about the story she was working on at work and she rambled on happily. She loved her work and loved talking about it to a captive audience. It was a rather interesting story all and all and Yamato had almost forgotten about earlier when Takeru had to go and remind him.

His Mom was off on some description of the place she'd been when Yamato had felt something touch his leg lightly. He froze again shock over coming the urge to jerk away instantly. Takeru was pressing his leg against his own rubbing slightly with his foot.  
Finally Yamato brain caught up with his body and he jerked away. 

*Oh my God not again. Here I was hoping I could forget it ever happened...Oh God I think I'm going to be sick.*

His Mom stopped talking an gave him a worried look.

"Yamato honey are you all right you look a little pale." She asked concerned.

*Quick Ishida think of something.*

"Yeah I'm okay I think the concert wore me out more then I thought." He said quickly.

She nodded then stood up grabbing her dishes and walked by placing a hand on his forehead.

"Well you don't feel sick so I guess your right. It is late so I suggest we all go to bed now." She said putting her dishes away and walking into her own room.

"I know I'm exhausted. Good night boys, sleep tight."

She shut the door and Yamato moved quickly into the bathroom before Takeru could say or Do anything.

He took his time trying to out last his brother. Normally he would sleep in Takeru's room on the floor but That was out of the question. He would just grab a blanket from the hall way and sleep on the couch. If his mother asked he'd say it was because he'd been restless and didn't want to wake Takeru.

Finally, finally he saw the light from his brothers room turn off from under the door. He got out of the bathroom grabbed the blanket, changed out of his concert gear and almost emediatly fell asleep.

Mean while a pair of bright blue eyes blinked in the darkness of the hall way adjusting to the light.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ashna: Oh my what shall Takeru do now?  
Takeru: I know! I know!  
Ashna: Duh.  
Miyama: Hey..what was it you called him Ashna? Take-chan I got the BEST idea!  
Takeru: *Blinks* What?  
Ashna: Oh no...not this...  
Miyama: We should start a Yamato fan club.  
Takeru: *Pouts* He's got enough fans...stupid fangirls trying to get My Yama....  
Miyama: Um yeah. *Aside to Ashna* He is kinda creepy like this...  
Takeru:*Frowns* What did you say?  
Miyama: Nothing not a thing....  
Takeru: Why am I even talking to you? You Are a fangirl!  
Miyama: SO? Kitten is the best. Come on you agree!  
Takeru: Don't call him that! He's mine!  
Miyama: Wanna bet?  
(They proceed to fight.)  
Ashna: God..  
Miyama: the Laughing Mountain Gods!

If you want to understand the laughing mountain god thing read Digimon Party From Hell. A fic Me, Kathrine and Miyama co wrote. It's under Kathrine's Pen Name. Kathrine. Please read it's only got Two reviews! But it's hilarious!

Next chapter will be up by the weekend and the next chapter of Hope In despair will be up either on Wednesday or Thursday. Writers block is Sooooo Gone 


	5. On the couch

Whoa part five. Why is it so easy to write this fic? It's like pulling teeth trying to write Hope in Despair. I have to be in just the right mood to do that one. Maybe cuz the chapters are short and HID is LONG for me at least. It's my fave but argh I don't know. Anyway this fic just keeps coming! This chapter is going to be. How to say it...fun? Lemons anyone? Naw I wouldn't do that. Would I? Read to find out!

Miyama: Lemon! Lemon! Lemon!  
Takeru: Lemon! Lemon! Lemon!  
Ashna:Kami-sama  
Miyama: the laughing MOUNTAIN Gods!  
Ashna:........

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~

Takeru waited until he was sure Yamato would be asleep or certainly close to sleep. He crept down the hall way quietly until he was standing beside the couch. Sure enough his brother was sound asleep, slightly curled up, hair hanging into his eyes. To Takeru he looked like a sleeping greek god. The handsome features the graceful angles of his face relaxed in sleep. Takeru reached out gently to brush a stray lock away from his brothers cheek.

"So beautiful." he breathed.

It always took Takeru's breath away that someone as masculine as his brother could at the same time so incredably feminine and delicate. He could play it rough with Taichi and the others or sit composing music. 

But he was tired of standing here on the outside watching his beautiful brother. Tired of being nothing more then his 'little bro'. That night he'd stepped over the line to do something he'd dreamed of for years. It had been so sweet the taste of Yamato's lips against his own. The feel of his soft skin sleek muscles rippling underneith. He wanted more.

He'd also felt a smug satisfaction. Just as planned Yamato hadn't paid attention to anything or anybody. Only Takeru had been on his mind. Of course the presence he had on stage had been absent that was to be expected but...he'd been beautiful all the same. Tense as a bow string on stage he'd locked eyes with Takeru several times.

*He knows now that's for sure.*

Takeru sighed into his mind, a tiny part of him now longing for another sweet kiss. He knelt down beside the couch running his hand gently through Yamato's hair careful not to wake the sleeping form in front of him. He leaned forward and placed a single light kiss upon his brother's lips. 

*And he wont ever forget.*

There was a problem. He was trying to pull away hoping most likely that Takeru would give up or stop. He'd had the look of a scared animal when Takeru had, quite deliberatly placed his leg along side his. He'd backed off not wanting to have Yamato completely freaked out in from of their mother. Despite what he had achived so far it was no good. He needed to have Yamato near him. To watch him as he slept and have Yamato let him do this willingly. Takeru wanted more.  
  
Takeru smiled slightly and decided to wake his dear brother and make a request. He leaned forward again to press his lips to Yamato's, this time not so inocently. He ran his tongue along Yamato's before pressing deep into his mouth. Meeting no resistance as Yamato slept.

Blue eyes flashed open in shock and Takeru drew back trying not to grin smugly. He knew he would never tire of kissing Yamato. It was too sweet an experience not to love. Of course to be kissed back would surely be the death of him but he longed for that also.

Yamato closed his eyes again as if in pain, sighing. Takeru waited for him to speak sencing his brother needed to say something. He opened his eyes and sat up now looking down on Takeru from the couch. Takeru looked back up not even trying to hide his adoration, love and..yes lust for the half awake blonde above him.

"Why..." Yamato whispered his voice cracking.

"Because..." Takeru breathed trying to explain but failing.

There wasn't anyway to explain what he felt. Oh sure his own heart could speak volumes of sappy poetry into his own mind but to speak those word aloud? Never. So he decided to bypass the issue and go straight to what he'd woken Yamato for.

"Don't sleep out here Yama." he whispered instead.

~~~~~~~~~~~Kitten!

Yamato looked away from the intensity in Takeru's eyes. He'd avoided the question and now...

*Oh God, how am I supposed to deal with this? I can't..this is just impossible..this can't be happening.*

His mind raced and decided on one thing. He wasn't going to sleep in Takeru's room, or on the couch. It had provided poor sanctuary anyway. He would just stay up all night. He could catch up on the lost rest in Math class.

A hand reached up and grabbed his own and Yamato stared at it his mind still reeling in shock.

"Please Yamato. Onni-san. I wont do anything if that's what your worried about...I..I..just want you there. Please?" Takeru's voice pleaded sounding desperate.

"Please don't hate me for this. I can't help it. God knows I've tried. Please just don't sleep out here. You never have before."

Yamato looked over into Takeru's eyes. The intensity was still there, it still frightened Yamato more then anything ever had before but..

*He's still my brother. I can still see what he was before..this all started. Maybe...as long as he promises...not to do..That again..*

Sighing he closed his eyes again.

"All right. As long as you promise..not to..you know." He said weakly suddenly doubting as soon as he said it.

He opened his eyes to a dazzling smile and doubted even more. To be that happy just because Yamato had agreed to sleep in his room like normal. It was disturbing and he wanted to back out of that promise. But he'd agreed and the over joyed Takeru was all ready dragging him down the hall way to his room.

It felt wrong and Yamato felt like he couldn't say a thing. He'd never been able to deny Takeru anything.

*Gods Yamato on this one you have to try.*

  
~~~~~~~~Takeru

He snuggled down into his blankets and watched as Yamato got into the little futon on the floor. He'd been so happy when Yamato had agreed to come back. If there had been one thing he'd worried about was his brother completely turning against him. He wasn't completely delusional after all. He knew how wrong what he felt was and..he didn't care, not anymore. All doubts had left his mind. He was now utterly focused on having one thing all to himself. His beautiful brother Yamato.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tada! A short Chapter Five!

Takeru: WHAT! You can't leave it there!  
Miyama: I wanna see Kitten necked!...*drools*  
Ashna: Wait for it. Yeesh you two are impatient.  
Takeru: Miyama remember he's mine.  
Miyama: As long as you send me pictures!  
Ashna:Sigh.....

R&R people! Pweese for me? Even if ya don't know me? Pweese? 


	6. He'll recover

*Laughs evilly* Soon, soon we shall see things that shouldn't be seen! Strangely enough people will still read and I shall still write! Why am I doing this fic. I truly don't understand. I even have the best time with this fic then any other! Okay it's official Iam a sick twisted little freak who should be locked up. The worst part is I'm quiet freak. No one suspects the horror of my true personality. But arn't ya glad I'm here writing this? Cuz if you've gotten this far your just as twisted as me! Ahahahahahaha!

Takeru: She's finally gone off the deep end.  
Miyama: No. She was all ready there.  
Ashna: Shut up you two. I've put in some lemon this chapter so be happy.  
Takeru: *Grins*  
Miyama: Now you remember, I want pictures!  
Takeru: *Sweatdrop* Uh..hai?  
Miyama: Good boy Take-chan.  
Ashna:........

Oh and I went back to look at the first chapter and..I said Yamato was only coming over for supper didn't I? Well he stayed for the night okies? Yeah...heheh..I should really keep up with my own story.....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Takeru woke slowly as the light from outside sneaked through the blinds hitting his eyes. Normally he pulled down the black out curtain but he'd forgotten. He turned around from his normal position facing the wall to look at Yamato.

*He's gone...*

The futon lying on the floor was empty. Well he knew Yamato had school later today so he should have expected him to leave but..

*Takeru get over yourself. Besides you planned on meeting Daisuke again remember?*

A/N Nope didn't forget old Daisuke the male concubine! He has important role in this fic. Do Takeru when he can't get Yamato to! Okay if ya can't tell I'm writing this chapter late at night...

*I don't feel like being around the block head today. Maybe I can call and cancel. He'll be disappointed but oh well. I could care less what He wants.*

Takeru sighed and got out of bed slowly reaching for a change of clothes. Once dressed he wandered into the dinning room/ kitchen. His Mom was there cooking something that smelled like hash browns and eggs.

"Good morning dear. How are you this morning." She asked cheerfully as Takeru sat down.

"Fine. Did Yamato leave all ready?" he asked.

"Yes he seemed a bit preoccupied by something. Just left with out saying goodbye." She said sounding a bit confused.

She shrugged and went back to the food. Takeru blinked and started to think. Maybe it hadn't been such a good idea for him to kiss Yamato. Twice. But then he didn't regret it much. He just didn't want Yamato to avoid him now. He wanted so much more of him. Now that he'd tasted how sweet Yamato was he couldn't just stop there. He needed more.

Takeru stopped his thoughts before they made him anymore uncomfortable. Maybe it was a good thing he was going to visit Daisuke today.

~~~~~~~~

Daisuke opened the door the fifth time the door bell rang. He'd been napping, enjoying a few moments to himself before Takeru got there. He didn't really like the blonde much. He was too self confident in that I know I'm better then you kinda way. Of course everyone thought he was perfect too. Takeru could do no wrong.

*Wouldn't they be surprised to know what he likes to do on the side.*

He also thought something was defenetly off inside Takeru's mind. He couldn't pin point it but...

*Who cares, he's got a nice ass and a nice....*

Takeru was standing on the other side of the door of course waiting impatiently. He was always impatient. Daisuke suspected he was only a way to release tension over someone else. He'd wonder who it was that got the blonde so worked up but the end result was always the same. That was all Daisuke really cared about.

The other boy stepped inside closing the door behind him quickly. Just as quickly he was grabbing Daisuke pressing his lips roughly against his.

*Whoa..he's worked up today.*

He thought distractedly as he kissed Takeru back pushing past his lips with his tongue. He wrapped one arm around Takeru and began to back up towards his room. Well pushed was more like it. 

Soon he was being pushed back onto his bed as Takeru pulled both their shirts off. His lips attacked him. Running along his jaw line, down his neck and chest. His hands busied themselves with the buckle of Daisuke's shorts. Finally after a few moments he released the clasp and pulled them down Daisuke's legs along with his boxers.

Daisuke moaned as he felt fingers stroke him lightly at the same time a wet tongue lapped at a nipple. Takeru stroked him working his erection until the red head pleaded with him for more.  
Of course he obliged. He trailed kissed down his stomach until he reached his goal.

Daisuke felt Takeru's warm breath against him then forgot just about anything else as his mouth enveloped him to the hilt. He tossed his head back letting out a low moan as Takeru worked him up and down. His tongue sliding around him making Daisuke shudder with pleasure.

He gasped as he felt two fingers work their way into him, stretching him. Takeru slid in another finger and slid them in and out in time with his actions. Daisuke panted with the effort of not heaving his hips up to Takeru. He wanted more. Then he hit that spot and his vision blurred as a shot of pure bliss rocked through him.

Takeru removed both his mouth and fingers making Daisuke whimper from the loss. Takeru tossed his pants and underwear to the side then returned to his former position. Daisuke's mouth was claimed once again as Takeru began to lower himself slowly into him. Then half impaled he lost patience and thrust in hard. Daisuke gasped and held on tight as he withdrew then plunged back in again and again. Sparing no thought to his partners own enjoyment.

~~~~~~~~

Takeru couldn't help himself. He was too frustrated by being so close to Yamato then not getting anything. He just took what he wanted picturing someone blonde and blue eyed instead of the dark toned one beneath him. He didn't even register Daisuke's sharp gasp of pain. 

Finally he spent himself violently shuddering with the intensity of the moment. Then his mind cleared and he opened his eyes to see Daisuke's tightly closed, his body tense and shivering.

*Oh god...*

"Daisuke? I'm sorry I just..I'm sorry. Daisuke..." Takeru whispered removing himself as gently as he could.

Daisuke still winced and opened his eyes to give Takeru a rather weak smile compared to his normally wide grin.

"It's okay...." He said making Takeru feel even more guilty.

He sat up slowly and Takeru scuttled back. He might not have liked Daisuke much but he'd never dream of doing something like this. He was being so..nice about it too. He reached out and gently touched the red heads shoulder.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"It's okay Takeru I'm all right. Just.. Next time I'm on top okay?" He said in good humour.

Takeru nodded then well...got dressed and left. He didn't know what else to say and for all his joking he knew Daisuke was pretty pissed. He began walking home angry with himself for losing control.  
  
*Stupid. Baka baka baka baka.*

He said this to himself all the way back to his place. He opened the door and called out a greeting but his Mom had gone to work again. She wasn't going to be back till late. There was a message on the answering machine and he played it while rummaging around in the kitchen for some food.

"Moshi moshi it's good old Dad."

He found some pizza still left over from the night before and chewed on that. He was Still up tight and thinking about a nice long cold as hell shower. It would be better then going out and using a 'friend'.

"Look I've got to go away for a few days. The place is a mess and there's no food in the fridge. Do you mind taking Yamato for about four more days? Thanks. Bye."

Takeru pulled himself out of his self bashing to comprehend the message. Yamato was staying for four whole nights.

*Forget Daisuke he'll recover. I just might not need him anymore after this...*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay that had to be the worst chapter yet! Did I just do that? Yeah guess I did. Oh well. Sorry Daisuke lovers. Maybe I'll have Kenny baby patch him up? Hee that sounds okay. Takeru's one sick little puppy ne?

Takeru: Am not.  
Ashna: Yes you are I wrote you so.  
Takeru:*pouts*  
Miyama: Aaaaashna?  
Ashna: Yes?  
Miyama: that wasn't a Kitten lemon.  
Ashna: I never said it was going to be now did I?  
Takeru: I noticed that too.  
Miyama: Shut up you.  
Takeru: What I do now?  
Ashna: Don't you ever pay attention?  
Takeru: Oh yeah Daisuke no baka. Why should I care? Yamato's coming over!  
Ashna: I've created a monster.  
Miyama: Wasn't that the point?  
Ashna: Oh yeah....  
Takeru: R&R people so Ashna will write the next chapter! She needs review support!  
Miyama: You just want a piece of that Yamato lemon pie!  
Takeru: What's wrong with that?  
Ashna: He's your brother....  
Takeru: And the problem is?  
Ashna & Miyama: O_o...*sweatdrop*  



	7. Guilty pleasures and guilt

  
  
The insanity returns!!!!!AKA I couldn't stop writing. I just got five more idea's for fics that's all! So here is the next chapter in this insane weird ass fic that we all love right? Right.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~

Takeru barley could contain his excitement. Yamato was coming over for an entire four days! And the best part was his Mom wasn't going to be around much ether. She had a huge article going and hadn't been home much of late.

He'd completely forgotten about the whole disaster earlier that day with Daisuke. He'd recover and it wasn't like they were close anyway. He'd probably go crying off to Ken or Hikari. Which ever one he was mooning after this time.  
  
Yamato was coming over tomorrow after school and band practice so he'd arrive around seven. Unless band practice ended earlier or extended late. Takeru had basket ball practice and a game so he'd get back much later. That sorta sucked but he had a plan. As long as his Mom wasn't home and Yamato's practice ran late it would work.

He'd get his Yama.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Miyama: Hey! You almost forgot about us!  
Takeru: yeah! Where would this fic be without us?  
Ashna: Uuummm, moving along faster?  
Takeru: Harhar moving to what? Your dragging your butt!  
Miyama: yeah where my lemon!  
Takeru: Your's? Who's involved here.  
Ashna: Oh shut up the both of you.   
Miyama: Why?  
Takeru: yeah why?  
Ashna: This chapter will lead up to the lemon OR actually get there stupid.  
....  
....  
Ashna: Thank you.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Takeru opened the front door carefully. The team had gone out for supper at a pizza place and he was later then he'd thought. Not that that was a bad thing. It played even better into what he'd planned. It was ten and the lights were out. His Mom was home now but she was asleep so it was okay.

He took off his shoes and walked into the living room to double check something. No Yamato slept on the couch.

*He must have gotten home late and forgot.*

He carefully walked back to his room. He opened the door carefully and sure enough Yamato was sprawled out on a futon by his bed. His hair was a mess and the blankets were tangles around his legs and waist. He'd just stripped off his shirt and pants and was sleeping in nothing but his boxers.

"Gods..." Takeru whispered as he gazed at his brothers sleeping form.

~~~~~~  
Miyama: The laughing MOUNTAIN Gods!  
~~~~~~

He placed his stuff on his bed and knelt down next to Yamato. His eyes raked over every bit of exposed skin. Taking in the smooth muscles of his chest and the relaxed features of his angelic face.

*Angelic indeed. If angels are knock dead gorgous and incradably sexy.*

He reached out one hand to gently brush Yamato's golden locks out of his eyes. He ran his fingers along his jaw line his thumb brushing across his sensuous lips. He bent down and gently kissed them but drawing back before he went any further. A deeper kiss would wake him.

Takeru removed his jacket and laid down beside him. He caressed Yamato's face again but quickly moved to the smooth skin he'd felt before on the night of the concert. His hand ran across Yamato's chest but it wasn't enough. He moved closer and propping himself up on one arm leaned down to kiss the base of Yamato's throat. He then trailed kisses down slowly until reaching a nipple. He licked it and sucked gently. He paused as Yamato sighed and shifted in his sleep but did not wake. He continued his mouth moving across to the other side this time daring a small nip at his brothers sensitive flesh. Another sigh but this time Takeru ignored it knowing this wasn't enough to wake him.

His hand had been gently stroking at the muscles of Yamato's arms and stomach now moved themselves lower of their own accord. He ran his hand down yamato's side and slipped under the elastic of his boxers. He ran his hand along his muscled thigh then reached over and gently, ever so gently touched him.

He stroked his brother as Yamato groaned softly still fast asleep. Yamato was responding to his touch quickly. Takeru was over whelmed with emotion. He was finally doing this. He shook slightly as he continued to caress Yamato's swollen member. Yamato groaned softly and started to toss his head a bit and Takeru leaned forward planting a soft kiss on his lips hoping to soothe him. He calmed down and laid still panting slightly.

Takeru removed his hand not wanting to go too far with just this. He reached over and gently untangled the blankets from around Yamato and then went to pull down his boxers. He stopped as something managed to sneak past the wall he'd placed over any miss givings he might have had.

*How can I do this? He's asleep! It would be like what I did to Daisuke but ten times worse!*

He pulled back and looked at his brothers relaxed face. He looked so peaceful and beautiful. His beautiful Yamato, his onni san. His Brother. Some how just sitting there thinking about it made him remember what he'd been trying not to think about.

*I want my brother. I want my friggin brother. I've been acting like a deranged idiot for days now just because...because I want to fuck my own brother.*

But still he wanted him. No matter how bad this was he still wanted to. He remembered the horrified and slightly frightened looks he'd been getting from Yamato since the concert and started shacking with more then lust.

*He hates me now too. I just couldn't keep my sick fanatasies to myself. I had to go and try and act them out.*

He started to cry as his own thoughts beat himself up and he still couldn't change how he felt. He loved his brother and he wanted him. He wanted no one but Yamato and no one else. Nor did he want anyone else having Yamato if he couldn't. It was a never ending cycle of thought. He curled his knees up and wrapped his arms around himself crying his heart out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yamato woke up slowly as he heard little gasps and hiccups coming from beside him. For once he wasn't tangled up in his blankets and he sat up and blinked open blurry eyes to see what the racket was. His eyes opened wide as he realised it was Takeru. His brother was sitting on the futon beside him and crying his heart out. He also had a raging hard on and pretty much figured out how he'd gotten that, though the idea made him want to go take a shower. If it wasn't that his brother was sobbing his eyes out he would have.

He reached out and touched Takeru's shoulder gently. As much as the younger boy had frightened him in the past few days he couldn't just ignore him. Takeru jumped and jerking away from his hand looked up quickly, eyes wide and blurry.

"Hey little bro what's wrong?" He asked gently.

Takeru just started to sob violently squeezing his eyes shut and shaking his head. Yamato opened his mouth to say something but Takeru cut him off.

"Don't e..e..even s..s..say anything." he shuttered through the tears.

"Y..you Know what's f..friggen wr..wr..wrong. I..i..I'm in love with my own friggin b..brother!" He sobbed shaking like a leaf.

Yamato sat there unsure of what to do. Takeru wrapped his arms around himself and sobbed continuing to talk.

"I try not to th..th...think this w..w..way but I can't s..s..stop! Every time I see you I think of how w..w..wonderful you are. Your friggin perfect to me. Your hair the way you smile everything...j..just perfect."He said laying his head on his knees.

"And now you hate me...." he whispered between sobs.

Yamato watched him cry, shoulders shaking looking more vunrable then he'd ever seen him before. He struggled with himself for a moment. Takeru had done a lot to frighten him but he couldn't just watch his little brother sit there crying like this. 

With a sigh Yamato reached over and pulled Takeru into a tight embrace. Takeru leaned into him crying and shaking like a new born kitten. 

"Takeru I don't hate you." Yamato whispered not wanting to see his brother hurting like this.

"I could never hate you. Your my little bro, I love you." he said holding onto Takeru's shaking frame.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Takeru leaned into Yamato letting himself cry. He had to restrain himself from taking this one step further. Stop himself from wrapping his arms around Yamato's waist and lifting his head up to...

He cried even harder. Even now he couldn't take an innocent moment of comfort as it was. He kept twisting things in his head and he couldn't stop. It was hard to even sit there and just cry.

Yamato seemed to become a little distressed as Takeru's sobs from before turned violent. He was now gasping for breath and couldn't even see he was crying so hard. It was becoming physicaly painful now to breathe.

"Sshhh Takeru please stop crying. It's okay, really it is just stop crying please.." He said gently but it didn't work.

Takeru pushed himself away and stood up unsteadily to stumble to his bed collapsing on top of it. He held is stomach as he sobbed trying to stop. He was starting to hyperventalate he was crying so hard. Yamato stood up and knelt in front of him gazing with worried eyes at his brother.

All Takeru could do was try and breath properly and try not to do what he so wanted to do.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yamato followed Takeru to the bed and gazed up at him. He was having trouble breathing now and Yamato knew he was hysterical but he couldn't bring himself to slap him. He wasn't angry enough and Takeru wouldn't probably just take it the wrong way. 

Takeru was staring back at him with blurry eyes and Yamato knew he could barley see. The same love sick, adoring, lust filled look was still in his eyes though. Even when he was horrified with himself, his little bro, his little Takeru who'd always been so innocent couldn't stop feeling this way.

*So what do you do Ishida? Your brother needs your help so what can you do?*

So he shut off the part of his mind that was screaming at him not to do this and did. He leaned up and kissed his own brother gently on the lips.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ashna: Well I'd say that's a good place to end this don't you?  
Miyama:....  
Takeru:....  
Ashna: For once their speechless. It's amazing. Anyway people please R&R cuz I wanna know what ya think of this chapter! 


	8. Can't refuse

  
  
Yama as the uke? Do I hear a repeated demand for this? I do believe so. Maybe I'll make Takeru the Uke here....

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Naw wouldn't work. Okay you Yama as Uke loving person who always reviews but I can't remember you name at this point.....Uke it is! Beside I think Takeru would kill me if I didn't let him screw Yamato.

Takeru: hell ya!  
Miyama:...........*busy imagining Yamato necked.  
Ashna: Yeeah. Well here it is what you've all been waiting for. No false alarm this time! 

Drum roll

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~

Takeru was completely absolutely shocked when Yamato kissed him. Never in his wildest dreams had he ever imagined Yama kissing him back. He sat there in shock his sobs silenced. He sat trembling and stared as Yamato pulled back. He seemed a little freaked out but Takeru didn't notice. 

*Yamato just kissed me.*

His mind whirled around this fact all his former reservations now completely forgotten. Yamato looked back at him and took one of his shaking hands.

"You going to be okay now little bro?" he asked quietly.

Takeru nodded still trying to process what had happened. He wanted more now too. Every time he touched Yamato he wanted more. Having Yamato initiate contact wasn't help this urge either. Once again he decided to act before thinking it out first. He wanted, so he decided to take.

Grabbing hold of the hand holding his he pulled it back. At the same time he leaned forward as Yamato was forced to sit up towards him. He kissed Yamato roughly on the lips demanding more then his brother had given him before. But Yamato pulled back managing to release his hand.

"Takeru no." He said his voice shaking.

He shook his head and stood up looking at Takeru sadly.

"I'll sleep in the living room tonight."

He walked back to the futon and grabbed his blankets. Takeru watched him with wide eyes. This wasn't going the way he wanted it to. He jumped up before Yamato could leave and flung his arms around him. He paused and stiffened while Takeru burried his face against his shoulder.

"Please....Yamato. J..just this once." he whispered trying desperately to convey his need.

"I wont ask again. I'll leave you alone I just need this. Just this once."

Yamato raised a hand and began to push him away. Takeru just held on tighter as a few more tears leaked from his eyes.

"Please...." he whispered barley above hearing level, to even himself.

He was shaking again and he knew he was going to be pushed away again. Then Yamato wrapped his arms around Takeru's shoulders and pressed his face into Takeru's hair.

"What am I going to do with you Take-chan." He whispered sounding upset.

Takeru leaned in closer and sniffed a little.

"Please...." he whispered again this time running his fingers up along Yamato's spine.

"Just this once."

Yamato had gone stiff, eyes closed as if in pain. Takeru looked up brushing his lips against his.

"Please.."

He gently tried to convince Yamato to kiss him back. Kissing gently and running the tip of his tongue along the edges of Yamato's lips.

"Only once."

Though still stiff Yamato allowed Takeru entrance to his mouth. He quickly darted in exploring every inch. He massaged his tongue against Yamato's and he responded in turn. Takeru shivered with delight when Yamato's tongue swept the inside of his mouth and ran across his teeth.

They kissed for several more moments until Takeru got impatient he began to push Yamato back towards the bed slowly. He hesitated for a moment then let himself be pushed. His legs hit the edge of the bed and he sat down. Takeru followed closely sitting down in Yamato's lap and wrapping his arms around his neck. He continued kissing pressing himself close to Yamato pushing their hips together. Yamato raised shaking hands to hold Takeru's waist.

Each time Yamato responded to him Takeru's mind cheered for joy. Never ever had he ever dreamed that Yamato would go this far. Or even consider it. He was in pure bliss. The feel of Yamato's lips against his own, the heat from his body. He was still hard from before and it felt wonderful to be pressed against him.

He suddenly slid off Yamato and pulled his boxers off quickly before Yamato could protest. Placing one hand on each of his knees pulled them apart to kneel between them. Yamato blinked then realising what Takeru planned closed his eyes, hands gripping the sheets he sat on. Takeru sat there for a moment just looking and smiled.

"Your so beautiful..." he whispered.

He leaned forwards and placed his lips on the tip gently. The without warning opened his mouth and enveloped Yamato with his mouth. Yamato gasped and swallowed, beginning to shake as Takeru slowly moved his mouth up and down gently. He ran his tongue along the sides slowly then licks off the top. Yamato had grown thicker and was now panting trying not to release.

Takeru grinned and stood up raising his hands to Yamato's shoulders and pushing him back against the sheets. He fell on top of him and began kissing him again careful not to brush against his erection. Yamato moaned deep in his throat and Takeru grinned against his lips. He straddled Yamato's waist and pulled off his shirt. Yamato lay there quietly panting not opening his eyes. Takeru flung his shirt aside and ran his fingers across his brothers chest pinching cruelly at his nipples. Yamato gasped and Takeru took this oppertunity to kiss him deeply. He then pulled off his pants and underware.

Still kissing him Takeru stretched out on top of Yamato reveling in the feeling of his flesh against his. He rubbed himself against Yamato enticing another moan from his throat. 

Leaving behind his mouth Takeru began to kiss along Yamato's jaw line, down his neck, his chest and stomach. He parted Yamato's legs again while doing this and reached between his legs searching for his entrance. Once found he traced the entrance with his finger before quickly slipping one inside. Yamato gasped and his eyes flung open at the invasion.

"Takeru..I don't think..no this isn't...." He gasped as Takeru slowly began to stretch him.

"Shhhhh." Takeru soothed placing his lips against Yamato's silencing him.

He ran his fingers through Yamato's hair gently while two more fingers joined the first going slowly then quicker inside him. Yamato moaned desperately against Takeru's lips as he hit the spot, making Yamato's hips arch slightly off the bed as he pushed himself onto Takeru's hand.

Deeming him ready Takeru removed his fingers as Yamato whimpered at the loss and positioned himself above him. He kissed Yamato lightly against the lips once more.

"Thank you." He whispered before gently placing himself against Yamato's opening. 

He slowly pushed himself inside trying to be careful. With no lubercant it would be difficult. Yamato gasped and squeezed his eyes shut hands gripping at the sheets once again. He pushed harder until he was fully inside him. He knew from the sounds of pain he was making he'd torn something but Takeru ignored that and he removed himself almost comepletely before pushing himself back in. He did this over and over again ignoring Yamato's sounds of pain. He knew when he'd gotten the angle right when Yamato stopped whimpering and gasped in pleasure.

He continued rougher this time increasing the rythem of his hips glorifiying in the feeling of being in his beloved onni-san. Soon he came, spilling into Yamato depths with several hard thrusts. He reached between them and pumped Yamato's stiff member and quickly Yamato, moaning beneath him released clamping tightly around him and spilling against their chests and stomachs.

Takeru collapsed on top of Yamato panting. He laid there catching his breath and almost emediatly fell asleep Yamato trembling beneath him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~

Takeru: Finally!  
Miyama: I want my pictures you better have taken pictures!  
Takeru: Yeah yeah  
Ashna: Could you two please shut up I need to do my authors note!

Ahem anyway I'm thinkin of Maybe I said Maybe putting some Taito (or someone else! I have a small idea...) and Kensuke in and I was wondering what you think? Oh and what ya think of this chapter of course! R&R R&R R&R! 


	9. A shoulder to cry on

Well here's chapter nine and one of my reviewers seems not to have realised the point of having Yamato sleep with Takeru. It wasn't PWP! I've been building this up and there was a reason! Not just for the lemon! It's part of ending three. The interesting twist that's gonna make this fic really a lot longer. Don't think I'm making this normal and every things gonna be peaches ooh no no no no no no no! Time for our poor Yama-sama to become well really angsty as if he wasn't before. I mean how would you react if you woke up one morning and realised you'd just slept with your own brother? Heheheh I'm evil aren't I?

Anyway Takeru and Miyama wont be seen anymore. Their off drooling over the pictures of chapter eight. ^_^ They aren't needed for inspiration anymore either.

Now I'm gonna ask politely because this is kinda rude but would some of you, if ya want please read my fic Unhappy Anniversary? No one has yet and it's my first song fic and I really have no clue how good it is. I'm thinkin of going back and adding to it but I need some constructive feed back. Please?

Ack I just realised I've been listening to that song for three hours now! O_o....time to change the track......and time to start typing!

And now for the insane ramblings to continue! I still can't quite believe I'm writing this! 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Yamato woke slowly the light from the window hitting his eyes. He was lying in a bed that was up too high to be his own.

*Oh yeah I'm at Takeru's...*

Though he couldn't remember why he wasn't on the futon like always. He puzzled over this as he started to wake up mentally. Suddenly a warm mass latched onto his side moved in his sleep, muttering under his breath. Yamato realised he was quite naked and so was he. This confused him some more until memory finally surfaced.

"Oh God.....no..." He whispered completely horrified.

It was something that never should have happened. He couldn't fathom why either. But now was not the time to think about....what happened. Right now he had to get out of this bed.

Takeru was curled up against his side one leg thrown over Yamato's, his arm draped across his torso. He was sleeping completely at ease and as far as Yamato could tell was very happy.

Yamato slowly eased out of the bed taking care not to wake his brother.

That thought made Yamato cringe. His brother, his little baby brother. He couldn't fathom in his confusion addled brain why he had allowed Takeru to do what he did. The very idea made his skin crawl and the fact made him want to jump in a tub of boiling water and soap until he felt clean again.

Pushing these thoughts aside until he could get away, Yamato managed to slide out of the bed. He searched around for his clothes not bothering to grab new ones, found his uniform pulled it on and snuck out of the room. He crept down the hallway past his Mother's bedroom where she was still sleeping and out the front door.

Once out side he leaned against the wall next to the door shaking. His legs felt weak and unresponsive. This entire week had been one huge mistake that should have never happened. The kiss at the concert, giving in to Takeru's request to staying in his room. Giving in to Takeru's need.

Yamato shook his head violently to clear his mind. He needed to get out of there until he could gather his thoughts together. He needed a place to stay until he could figure out what to do. Still trembling faintly he pushed himself off the wall and started walking. There was one place he could go were the resident wouldn't ask questions and probably wouldn't notice Yamato's emotional state.

  
He was laying on his back on a bed in a room that was spotlessly clean. Nothing was out of place. There wasn't even anything on the walls no posters or pin ups or anything like that. There was a desk filled with everything a computer obsessed teenage boy would want. Basicly Yamato had gone to Koushiro's. The red head in question was typing away on his computer and just as Yamato had planned was completely ignoring him.

*Good old Koushiro too wrapped up in his own world to notice anybody else is alive.*

But then Yamato wasn't paying much attention to the other boy either. He'd showed up late enough that Koushiro had been awake but just barely. He'd let the blonde in no questions asked though looking a bit confused if not out right adorable with his hair messed up, in pyjamas and rubbing his eyes tiredly.

(A/N I think Kou-chan is adorable okay? So I had to have something with him looking a little less uptight as he does in 02! If anyone wants to draw me a picture of that scene 'and I like it' I'll write anything you want I swear!!!!! )

He let Yamato collapse on his bed and went about his normal daily routine, getting dressed, eating breakfast and now working on something on his computer.

Yamato was just fine with this, completely lost within his own confused thoughts. It wasn't so much the fact that Takeru had wanted him. Sure it was creepy and no little bit freaky but there was no way Yamato could do anything but love his brother. It was himself and what he let happen that tortured him. He should have been able to say no or find a way to help his brother. No the problem was he'd tried to help the wrong way. Now he felt dirtier then anything he'd done before had made him feel. Even attacking his own best friend hadn't made him feel as bad.

Flipping around onto his stomach he buried his face in his arms wishing he could go back and cancel the stupid concert that had started this entire horrifying week.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Koushiro worried as he tried to concentrate on his work..okay he was playing a computer game but that wasn't the point. There was something seriously wrong with Yamato but he couldn't fathom what it was that could have effected him so badly.

What? Surprised that Koushiro achualy pays attention to the real world. Of course he does. The entire thing with Mimi had taught him to pay attention to his friends when they were upset. But his reputation as a self absorbed computer geek often had said friends showing up at his door when they needed a safe place to think or calm down or anything of that nature.

So he hadn't been too surprised to see a shaking Yamato standing outside his door at seven am in the morning. But the longer he was here the more worried Koushiro became. The digidestined of friendship might have been withdrawn and closed as a kid in the digital world but now had always regularly confided in Taichi, Jyou, Sora anyone willing to listen. He'd become regularly rounded out by the time they were 14.

*But now he's here shaking like a leaf on my bed not talking at all. I wish I knew what to say to him to make him open up a bit. Then I doubt he'd take me interfering very well. He came here to be ignored. Though why he felt the need to come here I wouldn't know.*

Sighing Koushiro stopped typing/playing on the computer and stood up walking over to the bed. He knew Yamato didn't want to talk but figured it couldn't hurt to offer support. Even if Yamato didn't tell him anything of what had happened.

He sat down beside his friend on the bed and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. Yamato jumped a bit but didn't raise his head from his arms.

"Yamato? I know you came here to be left alone and I know you don't want to talk about whatever's got you upset but..I'm here if you need a shoulder to cry on." He said awkwardly never quite sure how to deal with emotions himself but reasonably certain this was what Yamato needed.

Then he had his arms full as Yamato sat up and turned crying into Koushiro's shoulder. He wrapped his arms around the blondes shaking shoulders and held him as he cried. Still wondering what had happened to his friend.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yeah another short chapter a mere five pages long. I'm taking things slow with this fic now because the emotions are a lot harder to figure out now. But I should be done by the end of the month now that I can start writing again. (Writing class project is done!) Anyhoo R&R please!

Hey yeah if you haven't figured it out all ready this is a re post.(I've graduated now and it's october) Most my fics are or have been re posted. The entire story is done. Except afterwards I got the urge to add to the next 6 chapters. Yes six chapters. There's going to be more if I can help it. Something seemed missing at the end when somebody pointed it out to me. So I'm fixing words I know how to spell, adding grammer to places where it's obvious even to me where I went wrong... Etc etc etc etc. 


	10. Thinking back

  
Okay here's the deal people this fic is going to be dragged slowly from my brain from now on. I This fic has taken my brain hostage and demands to be taken with the utmost seriousness. It's summer now so there might not be much interruption from writing unless I get a job. No wait I WILL get a job need money...need money badly...sigh.

Anyway if you thought things had gotten bad in the last few chapters just wait for what's ahead. You can all thank my Mom for helping me out on what to do.(Yes my Mom knows aaaallll about this fic and even sujested a few lovely options for future chapters. Ain't my Mom great!!:D)I am not going to mention which option I picked either. You'll all find out soon enough. Anyhoo onto the fic!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Takeru yawned, stretched and wondered idly why he felt so great. He was in just about the best mood he'd ever been in. He sat up rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and thought carefully. He'd come home, gone to his room and.... Memory flooded back and suddenly he jumped out of bed eyes wide.

"He let me...I actually....oh my god....oh.....my...god........"

Of course Takeru was shocked but not what most would assume for. He was shocked that his brother had given in. That he'd been allowed to do what he had. Of course he thought about that for about a micro second before hugging himself happily and then skipping down the hallway to the kitchen.(after pulling some clothes on) He slid into a chair at the table and chirped a good morning to his Mother. She turned around and gave him a smile.

"Goodmorning Takeru. Your in a good mood today. Something nice happen at school yesterday?" She asked while turning back to the breakfast she was cooking.

"Yeah, something good happened...."He said dreamily resting his chin on his hand and staring off into space.

His mother smiled and continued cooking. She assumed her son who was now looking several years younger then he was with the silly expression on his face now had a crush or a girlfriend.

"So do I get to meet her?" She asked lightly wondering if it was that charming Hikari Yagami creature she'd met a few times.

"Her?" Takeru asked blinking back into reality.

"I assumed you'd found somebody you liked?" She said forming the statement as more a question.

"Oh. Um.......no....not really. Look I don't want to talk about it okay?" he finished not wanting to lie to his mother but..come on would You tell the truth?

Lucky she just smiled, nodded and served him his breakfast. She sat down in silence and ate with him. Takeru wasn't talking because he was absorbed in reviewing the previous nights events. Something was bugging him though. A nagging little doubt was creeping into his brain and slowly demanding attention.

*Where is he.*

They didn't have school for another hour. Yamato even had an extra half hour because the high school started later. Takeru began to worry. While Yamato had let him he hadn't seemed to enthusiastic about it. Hell he knew he'd been forcing the older boy into the entire thing. Remembering Yamato's previous reactions when he'd kissed him, Takeru knew something was wrong now.

*I have to find him. I can't let this go wrong. If he tells anyone or if I lose him...*

Thanking his mother for breakfast Takeru put away his dishes and grabbing his jacket ran out of the house franticly thinking of where Yamato could have gone.

~~~~~~~~Yamato

(A/N maybe I'll finally get an explanation out of my brain why Yamato slept with Takeru. I've got two options.*grins*Might just pick the bad one.)

Yamato cried himself out onto Koushiro's shoulder. He was vaguely surprised that the short red head had put himself out to help him but wasn't going to question his actions. Just as Koushiro wasn't demanding he tell the younger boy what was wrong. Taichi would have bugged him until he told, Jyou would have said he couldn't help unless he knew....the others had similar stories. Finally he stopped crying and sat back no little embarrassed from being so upset in front of his friend. 

"There, feel better now?" Koushiro asked looking very worried.

Yamato nodded his head though it wasn't true. While he wasn't shaking to the bone anymore with the emotions rolling around just beneath the surface, those emotions had been replaced by a listless numbing feel. He didn't look up and instead stared at the comforter of Koushiro's bed and hoped the boy wouldn't press him for answers.

~~~~~~~~Kou-chan

The blonde cried for what seemed for hours while Koushiro held him. He was certainly surprised at the amount of emotion behind Yamato's sobs. He was certain this had to have something to do with either Taichi or Takeru. Only other time he'd seen the older boy this upset was when the two had been hurt or in trouble in the digital world.

When he finally quieted then eventually pulled back, Koushiro hoped he'd be feeling better. No such luck. Sure he said he was fine but the listless way he held his shoulders and the dull shine of his eye told the red head he was simply in shock. Not physical but mental shock. Whatever he was going through was too much and he'd shut down in an attempt to handle it.

This was more then he could handle this early in the morning. Not that he didn't want to try and help his friend but Koushiro needed time to think. Find the best way to help him. He would never mess around with someones emotions without thinking things through first. So glancing at the clock, (it was a school day.) and came to a decision. He turned back to Yamato who was staring listlessly at his bed spread.

"Yamato I have to get to school, so you ju...No Yamato you stay here." he said when Yamato made to get up.

"But school..."

"Your in no shape to go to school. I don't want you breaking down in class. I'll tell the teachers your ill and get your homework okay. No ones going to be home all afternoon so feel free to raid the fridge."

Koushiro paused as a thought ocured to him. He'd been grabbing his books and labtop when he turned back to Yamato who was still sitting on the bed. He frowned slightly pausing at the door.

"Yamato promise me you'll stay here okay?"

Yamato nodded and Koushiro sighed quietly moving out the door. He hoped his blue eyed friend stayed in place. He had a feeling this was something serious and he didn't want a depressed Yamato wandering around with out anyone around to make sure he didn't do anything stupid.

~~~~~~~~~~Yama again.

Sighing as he heard the front door close Yamato laid back on Koushiro's bed, staring at the ceiling. He was glad not to go to school. Things had been distracting enough during the last few days after what had happened he didn't think he could concentrate on school work. Plus Taichi and Sora would notice him acting different and bug him about what happened. That he didn't need at all.

Closing his eyes he decided to try and figure out how everything had turned out so incredibly shity so quickly. He probably should have tried to...do something before last night. Attempt to...to what?He didn't know. Finding out how Takeru felt had been a shock and he hadn't really coped with it yet. He hadn't been able to find one bit of emotional stability the moment his brother first kissed him. He had been thinking clearly for days now. He didn't think at all last night. Or maybe he had thought the right thing.

Takeru had been a mess, Yamato had never seen his brother so upset before. He hadn't quite known what to do. How do you comfort a brother who's in love with you? So he'd kissed him. That had definetly been stupid of him but he hadn't had the heart to slap him out of his hysterics.

Then Takeru had been back to the strange forceful creature he'd been at the concert. Catching Yamato completely off guard and kissing him. He'd pulled back of course, that was the normal thing to do.

Then, then Takeru had stopped him from leaving to sleep in the living room. He'd been shaking like a leaf in the wind again. This time not from shame and despair but lust. Yamato had known of course, he'd known what Takeru was asking for. He hadn't wanted to, the idea frightened and disgusted him. The pleading tone in Takeru's voice is what did it. Somehow Yamato's mind managed to detach itself from the little voice, which had grown in volume, telling him to stop. To not let this happen. 

He'd done similar stuff before. Juvenile experimentation with Taichi and he'd managed to ignore the fact that it was Takeru touching him and.....Then it went beyond what he'd experienced before and he'd woken up. The little voice was now screaming at him to get up and stop. To push Takeru away and stop this before anything else happened. But he couldn't Takeru had silenced him and continued as if nothing was wrong.

It had hurt, it still hurt. He'd been ignoring it trying not to think what the dull ache meant. Yamato wished he'd never realised what had been happening and had stayed distanced from the entire experience. As was he was horrified and sickened by what he allowed Takeru to do. He thought he'd known but he hadn't. Now all he wished to do was go back and continue walking back into the living room. To have pushed Takeru away and never had this happen.

Tears stung his eyes and he knew he was going to cry again. At least this time he wasn't crying blindly. He knew why he was crying knew why this hurt so much. With a sob he hung his head letting the tears run down his face.

~~~~~~~~~Take-chan

Takeru slid into a seat at school with a frown. He hadn't been able to find Yamato anywhere and assumed he'd gone to one of his friends places. This was not turning out right at all. He didn't want Yamato to run away from this.

*It wasn't like he Didn't enjoy himself......*

The blonde thought with a small smile for the quick memory that flashed through his mind. Then frowned, he did not want this to be ruined just because of what happened. He'd find Yamato after school and then...they could talk. He was sure things wern't going to become tense. He'd work things out. He wasn't going to lose Yamato. He wouldn't let that happen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I know kinda short chapter but I had MAJOR I mean MAJOR writers block. I thought about the damn story just about every day and talked to my Mom and talked to my friends and.....arg!But this chapters done and I'm pretty sure I wont have problems from now on.

(Prays to the laughing mountain gods)

So anyway R&R tell me what you think and all that junk.! Arigato!

  
  
  



	11. I can't think of a title

  
Tada Chapter 11!Wow...I've written eleven chapters of this fic. Doesn't seem like that many...oh well!!! I've got a clear picture of where I'm going with this now. Even knows how this is gonna end!*breaks up into evil laughter*  
Ahem anyways I'm gonna stop talking before I give it all away.....heehee...

Warning: If ya thought this fic was twisted before be prepared for the squick(squirm and say ick) factor to go up a couple of notches. Hoo boy and I gonna have fun! *Laughs evilly*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Koushiro sighed as he shut the door to the apartment. This day had felt much longer then most. He kept worrying about Yamato. The older boy had a tendency to stay composed through most situations and things would have to get really bad before he'd break down. So Koushiro worried about what could have happened. Something involving either Takeru or Taichi was most likely, considering Yamato's past break downs in emotion. Of course he'd always just panicked or become angry. Never before had he just......cried. At least not to his knowledge anyways.

*What shall I do....*

He wondered as he went down the hallway to his room. He half hoped Yamato was gone so he wouldn't have to be involved in this but then he would worry if Yamato was gone. He paused at the door, knocked slightly then opened the door quietly. Yamato was still there and had apparently fallen asleep. Koushiro walked in and put his things on the desk, glancing every so often towards Yamato to make sure he didn't wake up.

*He looked terrible this morning and that's saying something for him. He needs some sleep.*

He would have left the room but his parents insisted he have his homework done before they got home. So he sat down at the computer and tried to work quietly. Seemed he didn't do so well keeping quiet when he heard a sound behind him.

"Koushiro?" Yamato croaked, his voice horse from crying so long.

"Hey... you feeling any better?" Koushiro asked, turing around on the desk chair.

Yamato shook his head but avoided looking at his friend. He obviously wasn't feeling better. Koushiro sighed and scooted over to the bed rolling the chair across the floor. He stopped in front of Yamato and caught his friends eye.

"It's okay if your not Yamato. I may not know what's wrong but I know it's unhealthy to pretend there isn't. While I don't sujest crying anymore. It's obvious you've done enough of that I do suggest talking to someone about it. That sometimes helps. I'm not asking you to tell me but just... someone." Koushiro said trying to comfort his friend in some manner.

He might not be as out going as the rest of the digidestined or as vocal but he always tried to be there for them. Hence the open door policy for anyone needing quiet space and a friend to ignore them. Though he didn't know why he wasn't ignoring Yamato. 

*He doesn't need to be alone with this. That's all I know. Don't know how I know just do.......now that's funny. Me relying on a feeling instead of fact.*

Yamato glanced up at him looking just a bit confused but nodded with just the faintest hint of a smile. Koushiro grinned back then pushing with his feet sailed across the room back to the desk. He grabbed some books from his backpack and tossed then at a startled Yamato.

"That's all the work you missed today. You can stay here and do it if you want. I don't mind." He said before turning back to his computer.

The blonde didn't move for a bit then he heard Yamato opening one of the texts with a sigh.

"Got a pencil?"

~~~~~~~~~~Take-chan(Ah my favourite little pervert/slut/freak)

Takeru watched the street from his apartments front window, wondering when Yamato was going to get back. He was really worried now! Not that he hadn't been before but somehow this seemed worse. It was now eight 0'clock and Yamato hadn't shown up. He didn't have band practice nor did he even go to school so detention was out of the question.

*Where is he, where is he, where is he!!!!.....oh..there he is...*

Yamato had just walked around the corner with Koushiro beside him. Takeru slapped his forehead at his own stupidity. All the digidestined knew that if someone was upset and trying to get away from people they went to Koushiro's. He wouldn't bug you and you could just mope away no problem.

He took in Yamato's tired slouch and the slightly pained pinch around his eyes and felt a stab of guilt. That was because of what they'd done. He knew it but shoved the guilt aside. He wasn't going to think like that if he could help it.

*Yamato is mine and he's going to Stay mine...*

The two boys paused as Koushiro said goodbye, then Yamato turned and entered the building. Takeru restrained himself from running to meet Yamato and instead turned to his mother who was in the kitchen cooking dinner.

"Mom, Yamato's back!" He said cheerfully.

"Oh good. I was starting to get worried." She said setting a plate on the table.

When he came in their Mom hustled him over to the table. It wasn't often that she got to cook for them both during weekdays and she loved the experience. Yamato sat down at the table quietly not looking at Takeru. He answered any questions put to him but kept his replies short. Eventually their Mom gave up trying to talk and lapsed into confused silence.

"Well I rented a movie to watch to celebrate us alll being here. Is that okay?" She asked after dinner had been cleared away.

Yamato shrugged and slouched onto the couch.

"Of course Mom, sounds like fun!" Takeru chirped happily not wanting her to worry.

She nodded and smiled at her youngest son and put the movie on. Takeru took advantage of the situation completely and sat next to Yamato, using him as a back rest and stretching his feet out along the couch. Yamato stiffened but didn't say anything.

"I'll go make popcorn during the previews okay?" Their Mom said disappearing into the kitchen once more.

"Takeru...don't lean on me...."Yamato said quietly sounding distinctly uncomfortable.

"Why not?" Takeru asked tilting his head so he look Yamato in the eye.

"Because..." He trailed off, glancing at Takeru his expression unhappy.

"Well I'm not not going to." Takeru replied smiling sweetly leaning up a bit to kiss Yamato quickly,

"So deal."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~Yamato

The movie had been uncomfortable to say the least. Takeru had been quite smug the entire time. Yamato really hadn't been able to do much with his Mom around. By the time the movie was over he'd been exhausted. He'd detached himself from Takeru and got ready for bed hoping that Takeru wasn't going to push things.

Takeru finished before him and was all ready in bed by the time he'd emerged from the bathroom. 

"Yamato?" Takeru asked quietly.

He ignored him and continued walking towards the futon. He was not going to allow himself to give in again. He'd stay focused and refuse every advance. Then a hand snaked out and grabbed the sleeve of his pajama's as he walked by the bed.

"Yamato? Just... stay with me? Onegai?" Takeru asked pulling Yamato towards the bed.

He was shaking his head but didn't pull back. Takeru finally managed to pull him down to the bed and wrapped the blankets around them both. The smaller blonde snuggled up against Yamato's side, resting his head on his shoulder.

"Thank you..." He said closing his eyes.

*This is Wrong! You shouldn't let him do this...you shouldn't encourage him!*

His mind screamed as it soon became obvious Takeru wasn't quite ready to sleep yet. His hands stroked Yamato's skin gently along his sides and stomach, going lower. He closed his eyes tightly as Takeru's fingers closed around him. This wasn't right but he couldn't find the ability to stop him. Just one please or one pleading look and he could not say no. He never could as long as his little brother had been alive.

"Please?" Takeru whispered against the fabric of Yamato's pajama's and he knew what Takeru was asking.

He nodded once and Takeru leaned back onto the bed pulling Yamato on top of him.

"Kiss me again?" Takeru asked using those blue eyes to cast away any reservations Yamato had.

Though they still wailed and fought against the wrongness of the situation Yamato detached himself once again from them as he lowered his lips to Takeru's.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~

When I first wrote this I freaked myself out. Now as I reread trying to fix problems in grammer and such, failing but trying, I'm laughing. I really have turned sadistic. Sigh. Oh well I have fun!! Right now I'm even working on a new fic that's so terribly twisted it'll put this fic to shame... I hope. You guys hope? Well when it's done I'll post it. Until then I'm still re posting everything. Lalala... R&R O-negai!!! 


	12. Posession

GOMEN NASAI!!! *Bows* I had the writers block from HELL with this. BUT I believe I've got things covered. It's gonna be shorter and there will be a little side ficcy that'll explain some things but otherwise this will focus just on Yamato and Takeru. Only. Ladeda. I'm much happier now. Much.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~

School was as much a torture as staying home with the blonde blue eyed angel in disguise. Not an angel but a hungry little demon who could wrap your soul around him. Pull at you with strings you never noticed where placed. 

Yamato couldn't sand the loud voices and close quarters of the school. He felt tired and dirty. Felt as if everyone could see those strings, bloodied by Takeru's greed. His greed and Yamato's compliance.

The same thoughts tortured him as he moved through the halls. Avoiding those who would see the faint glimmers of his wounds if not the cause. Koushiro had been helping when Yamato had desperately asked him to.

*I don't want to see anyone. They'll just ask questions. Taichi will find a way to figure out everything. I just don't want to know. I just don't.*

In science Koushiro slid into the seat beside him displacing Taichi's normal role. The former goggle head gave Koushiro a glare and took the last seat in the front. Yamato kept his head down, not want to face the red head or anyone else for that matter.

"Yamato I'm not going to ask. I know you don't want me to." Koushiro whispered, leaning over his desk so none could over hear.

"But you can come over after school if you want. If you don't want to go home."

Yamato looked up long enough to see the sincerity and concern in the young computer whiz's eyes.

"Arigato."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Takeru waited at the window once again for Yamato to come home. This was the third time Yamato had stayed out after school. He would have confronted Yamato after school but he'd seen his older brother walking away with Koushiro. The shorter digidestined walking close beside the blonde with concern written all over him.

He didn't like that at all...

With a sigh Takeru turned away from the window. It wasn't like he didn't have anything Else to do but wait for Yamato. Homework still called and chores.

It still bothered him. Things were so much better now that he had Yamato. All that time watching and wanting was over. Now... Now he had him. All the pale skin and long limbs and it was HIS. No more of that dark little earthy Daisuke. So different and clearly inferior. A pass time before better things.

God sometimes he couldn't believe he'd managed to snare Yamato. Or maybe not. He'd always been able to get his brother to do anything for him. When sick, healthy or just in a lazy mood. The tall musician would jump the moon for his little bro.

*Or jump me*

Takeru snicked over his math homework. That was certainly the best part of it all. Not so much the sex itself. But being able to own his brother. Maybe somewhere he felt guilty over the hurt evident in Yamato's eyes. The hopeless and desperate way he would responde to Takeru's possessive touches. That glint of pain gave Takeru a hit he never thought possible. He haunted Yamato's every thought, word and deed. He ruled over Yamato's life now. Now and forever, never to get away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was very late when Yamato came home. Normally he would have gotten in trouble but since all this time at Koushiro's was keeping his grades up above his average, no one cared. He tried to come home as late as possible in the last week. 

*Koushiro is so patient with me. I'm sure Taichi would have given up by now.*

Sneaking past Takeru's room, he glanced in hoping against hope that the younger blonde was fast asleep. A quiet sigh and the murmerings of the slumbering greeted his ears. Trying even more desperately to be quiet, Yamato managed to reach the spare bedroom. Stripping down to his boxers he curled under the sheets, trying to stop the shaking. He couldn't come home without shivering now. 

Pushing thoughts aside he tried to enjoy a night alone. One night without hands touching him or a hot mouth claiming any sound of protest.

*I've got to stop this. I can't live like this...*

He comforted himself with the thought of being able to go back to his Dad's tomorrow. His fathers business had been delayed by five days. An extra five days of avoiding, of crying after cold blue eyes had shut. Hiding at Koushiro's. Only one more day of hiding and he was free. He so desperately hoped he was free.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After school Koushiro came over to the Takashi's to help with packing up all of Yamato's things. Apparently his Dad was to come over at about nine to drive Yamato home. He was glad Koushiro had volunteered to come over. The redheads presance was enough to hole Takeru up in his room, sulking.

Now Yamato sat on his bed and laughed at Koushiro's clueless reaction to a joke being spread around the school.

"I do not see the point of these questions. What is so entertaining about it?" Koushiro asked absentmindedly spinning in the desk chair.

"It's called a joke and it's funny." Yamato said from his spot lying on the bed. So far progress on packing was pretty minimal.

"Okay so explain it to me again."

"Okay I name three people and of them you pick who you would push off a cliff, sleep with or be roomies with." Yamato explained patiently.

"Okay..."

"Taichi, Jyou or... Iori?"Yamato grinned probably guessing already who was going to be what.

"Sigh, do I Have to answer this?"

"Yes!"

"Okay then, I'd push Jyou off the cliff, sleepwithtaichiandlivewithiori..."Koushiro said quickly turning a bright red at the concept of sleeping with Any of his friends.

Yamato laughed as the brainiac turned to color of his hair.

"I didn't expect that! I was sure you'd toss Tai off the cliff!"

"No, Jyou is too annoying and doesn't take chances. Iori would leave me be when I wanted him too and besides Taichi is a better kisser then they probably are." Koushiro said without thinking.

Yamato turned and sat up looking at Koushiro in surprise.

"Since when did You kiss Taichi?" He said with a grin."

"I... it was just... He... At a party... It was a dare!!!" Koushiro blustered his true skin color now completely gone as he blushed to the roots of his hair.

Yamato began laughing the image of reserved Koushiro and the wild Taichi being able to coexist at that distance. The redhead glared at him and small pout gracing his lips.

"It's not that funny..."

"Yes it is!"

Koushiro just sighed and ignored him. Inside he was smiling though. Yamato seemed much more relaxed then he had before.

Then his cell phone rang. Letting Yamato roll about in his mirth he picked it up.

"Moshi moshi"

"hai hai, I'll be there soon." With a sigh he shut the phone off and gave Yamato an apologetic look.

"Sorry Yamato but I have to get going. My Mom doesn't want me out this late..."

Instantly Yamato's grin faded and he nodded looking down at the comforter, his face troubled. Koushiro didn't know what to say, but he had to leave. Getting up he a gave Yamato a firm hug around the shoulders before leaving.

"Gomen nasai Yama. I'll stop by tomorrow to see how your doing okay?"He whispered hoping that the blonde wasn't too upset.

"Hai." he responded, not looking up but placing a cold hand over one of Koushiro's.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yamato watched the clock, wait for each minute to pass slowly by. It always seemed to take so long. Not so long by the clock but still so very long. The pain wasn't bad anymore. In fact at time it was down right pleasant. How he hated that. Hated feeling it. Hated wanting it.

*But soon, it'll be all over. Over and done with. No more. I can't... I just can't do this again. Ever again. I'll go to Taichi's when Dad leaves. Or Koushiro's, hell even Jyou's. Anywhere but here...*

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I always get so vague when I'm writing this. Least it feels like I am. Anyways I do believe just two more chapters. Then the first side fic I'm going to write. This will be a continuation of Daisuke's part. I kinda just left him to suffer didn't I? Well THIS time around he's getting his own fic.  
Review?  
Please? 


	13. No escape

O_O omg it's the last chapter I have to write. I think I shall die form happiness. This thing has gone on TOO long. Okay if only because of a very LONG writers block. But it seems to be mostly gone now so.. YAYNESS. Once this is over I only really have five fics to work on! If I ever decide to finish my Jrock fics. They're kinda boring... Sept the funny one... Anyways yeah... Ladedaleda. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yamato waved a non committed hand as his father went out the door. It had been two glorious days of being alone. No school due to a long weekend and no Takeru. He was almost beginning to feel normal. Almost. His nights were filled his nervous nightmares. His heart still not truly believing it was over.

His father sensed something was wrong but made no fuss about it. They wern't particularly close after all. There was a respect for space and keeping out of each others business and nothing more.

Sighing Yamato looked at the clock and wondered what he could do. One day left of the holiday and it was back to school. Back to the people, who couldn't know what had happened almost every night since he'd begun staying at his mothers. Couldn't know and didn't know. But still his skin would crawl and... No matter how many showers, or how he tried Not to think of what happened. Still he thought they knew. Sure they could see the shame on his skin and in his eyes.

*Stop dwelling on it Yamato! It's over. Get over it. It's over. It's over. It's over.*

Deciding he didn't WANT to be aware and thinking tonight he walked into the bathroom. Taking his fathers sleeping pills he quickly swallowed two. No dreams tonight with the power of drugs keeping his mind asleep.

Then he crawled beneath the covers of his bed and shut his eyes. As if he could shut out the awful memories and the burning shame that never left him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Takeru hummed to himself. His nerves on edge. It was wrong. It felt so very wrong to be away like this. So close. He was just so close. His brother. His lover. HIS.

One just didn't let it walk away, back to it's own house. So here we was. Standing out side the Ishida apartment. It was latish. About ten thirty. His father he knew worked the late night shift on holidays so they would be alone.

*Don't worry Yamato. We wont be apart. I wont allow it.*

He though with a smile as he opened the door. Anticipating the look in his loves eyes when he saw him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yamato had been tuning his guitar for the first time in days. The familiar feel comforting his turbulent thoughts as he wait for the pills to take effect. He truly want to get some sleep. Some sleep more then he had been getting for the past two weeks.

He'd jumped, his fingers strumming the strings in a discordant twang as the door opened and Takeru walked in. He saw the half crazed expression, the lust and the sadistic pleasure spring up when his brother looked at him.

In side him something wailed in denial. It was supposed to be over now! This wasn't supposed to be happening! But it was. Takeru was there and the greedy hands still claimed what they wanted. Still he could not force himself to fight. So he submitted once again. Again his soul cried out in pain at the horror of what he allowed. Then fled as no hope was left to him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
A sharp pain but bearable. He pushed that from his mind and sat looking out the window. This last encounter with Takeru had been very different from the rest. He remembered being shocked, disgusted and somewhat frightened at first. His little brother was coming on to him. A shock and a half to be sure.  
He'd been frightened unsure of how to deal with a Takeru who wasn't the innocent tag along or the cheerful joking brother.

Maybe if he hadn't been as close to Takeru as he had or maybe if they'd grown up together. Maybe they wern't close enough but whatever it was the tie he'd had with Takeru pulled him in. When Takeru begun crying, hurting himself with the reality of what he felt. It broke him down. He had always been willing to do anything to help his little bro. Anything.

He'd asked for as much as Yamato could give him as well. He asked and he'd given in. He managed somehow to block off the part of him that screamed against the wrongness of their actions. It ate away at him from the inside. He couldn't concentrate on the world around him. Couldn't let himself see anything normal other wise the he wouldn't be able to hold off the horror of what he Allowed to happen.

He shouldn't have gone to Koushiro's. He was solid, real and would never lie to his friends. He didn't force Yamato into the truth of the matter because he never asked. He let it alone. Around him Yamato found himself for short periods of time feeling normal. Felling as if nothing in his life had changed.

But he could never escape and he'd found himself drinking at that party trying to forget only to remember all too well. Then there was Koushiro again. He'd had no clue that the red head felt anything but friendship towards him. If things had been normal he'd have returned those feelings. It was simple to change the love of a friend into the love of the body. Not even. Just adding the physical to the friendship.

When he'd heard Koushiro's feelings it broke. He knew that he couldn't ignore what he and Takeru were doing. He couldn't block away how wrong this was. He was frightened again, a shaking fear that quivered inside him. He wanted to curl up in a corner and shake. He couldn't cry, crying was for what he'd lost and could never feel again. 

He'd vowed never to be with Takeru again. Not until he'd broken away from the feeling that tied him down. Takeru couldn't break away. Maybe if he'd stayed distant when Takeru began crying that night. Maybe if he hadn't payed a part in Takeru's wants his brother could break away. No more. There was nothing left behind those blue eyes that was truly sane. No remorse, no fear of himself. He did what he wanted and enjoyed it.

Takeru had let himself in that night. He watched as Yamato gave Koushiro what he could. What he knew. If he'd been free of these horrible guilts and fears he'd return those emotions. All he could was give him something personal, something intimate beyond what he'd remember of other friends. Yes Takeru watched. He grew jealous as well. Then Takeru had always been jealous of the fangirls, anyone who'd tried to become close to His Onni-san.

His Onni-san. He called him that so many times that night. There was no exceptance of feelings or that there was a person behind what he wanted. No Yamato was something Takeru had wanted and therefore took. He'd continue to keep him as well. He'd use every weapon of word and deed to keep Yamato. Takeru didn't want to let go and never would. Yamato was too weak to stop him.

Being aware of the wrongness and letting it happen. He couldn't cry, he couldn't protest. He went along with everything and even enjoyed it as well. No more. He could not take it anymore. He wouldn't let this happen to him any longer, he'd go insane or become like Takeru or simply fade away until he was nothing But Takeru's possession. Nothing more then a coveted toy.

He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against the cool glass of the window. Takeru was asleep in the bed behind him. Sound asleep looking innocent as if nothing marred his life beyond recognition. He shivered as the room grew just a bit colder, a bit darker then before.

~~~~~~~~~Take-chans POV

Takeru yawned and reached towards where Yamato had been ten minutes ago. Feeling nothing he opened his eyes and saw Yamato sitting by the window in a large bean bag chair. He had his eyes closed and appeared to be asleep.

He smiled as he looked at the beautiful creature what was his brother. The soft silken hair he loved to run his fingers through. The delicate features and fine boned frame. Not really overly thin but more graceful then most boys his age. The sender hands with calloused finger tips from long hours playing the guitar.

*Beautiful....and mine.*

He grown accustomed to having Yamato at home, someone to snuggle close to at night. A warm comforting presence that was so much More then Just his brother. He'd become his lover and he wanted nothing more then to spend every living moment possible with Yamato.

Stretching Takeru hopped off the bed and went to sit at Yamato's feet. He opened his eyes as Takeru came near apparently not asleep as he'd thought. Takeru sat down and rested his head in Yamato's lap savouring the proximity, the closeness.

Yamato sighed and Takeru could tell he'd closed his eyes again. He sat there for quite a while as Yamato drifted off to sleep his breathing slowing. It was quite peaceful and he wanted moments like this to last forever.

Takeru frowned as he realised there was something wet dripping onto his knee off the beanbag chair. He drew back lifting his head off Yamato's lap and looked at his knee. There was a stain that looked black in the dark light. The glanced at the chair and saw thin trails spreading down like mini water falls across the lines of the chair.

He jumped up and ran to the light flicking it on. He came back and saw emediatly the red staining one entire side of the chair, the side he'd faced away from. It dripped down into the carpet and gleamed wetly from a knife placed on the window sill. Worst of all was the source. A long gash on Yamato's arm travelling from his elbow to his wrist following the blue line that pulsed beneath the skin.

"Yama...." Takeru crocked as he took in the pasty paleness of his skin, the breathing slowed until it was barely distinguishable.

He ran forward ignoring the blood and shook Yamato's shoulders. He was crying unable to stop. He couldn't believe this was happening. Yamato couldn't die, he couldn't leave, he didn't Want to leave him. He shook and shook. All that happened was Yamato's head slumped forward. 

Takeru went to phone an ambulance anything to save Yamato but paused at the door. He glanced back at the amount of blood soaking the carpet, Yamato's boxers and the pool of blood that had collected in one dip in the chair. There was too much. He couldn't do anything, it was too late. 

He sobbed once and stumbled back to Yamato. He buried his face in Yamato's lap ignoring the blood and cried.

"No you can't go. You can't leave me. Yama I love you please don't go. Please. Please. Please. Don't go. Please."

He stiffened as he felt the slow, weak breathing above him stop. There was no life left in the body sitting in that chair. A low thin cry escaped Takeru's lips as he shook his head. Not wanting to believe. Refusing to believe. He wouldn't lose Yamato he couldn't.

"I wont let you leave me Yamato. I wont let you leave without me." He whispered reaching for the knife still gleaming red on the sill.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~The End~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yup that's all folks. There's going to be two sequel type fics. The first is Gloomy Sunday. It's from Koushiro's POV and explains a bit what happened on his end of things. It's short and to the point.  
Um yeah. Review please? 


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